Truth

Warning: A long one, this.

-1.

I have this "connection" with Alisya ever since she was a baby...but an incident this morning tops it all, she is a gem......
This morning, as we reached the skool, Alisya shocked me with a rather strange question:
A: "Ayah nak work baru yeh?"
Me: "What is it Kakak?"
A: "Alisya kata, ayah nak work baru kee?"
Me (smiling & touching her cheeks): "Yes Kakak. Ayah nak cari work baru...Kakak nak ayah cari work baru ke?"
A: "Yes, ayah cari work baru okeyh?"
Me: "Yes Kakak, I will. Now, Naufal, Alisya, salam & kiss ayah, teacher dah tunggu..."
+ Hugs & Kisses+
Me: "Bye Naufal, I love you"
N: "Bye Ayah, I love you too"
Me: "Bye Kakak,, I love you"
A: "I love you Ayah"

~ I drove off to the Zoo....(sigh!)

0.
The week has been quite...a mix. Yes, I do have some stuff to do in The Zoo but my heart & soul is just not there anymore...
Since Friday last week:

1.
Naufal is back in kampung with Tok Mak & Tok Abah (surprisingly when I was editing these photos Mak called and they have reached Kajang! So, since last night, Naufal is back! Yeayyy!!)
2.
Mama is in Singapore until tomorrow.
Work, work and more work...pity Mama, she's still not given that long long loooonngg overdue promotion & increment....that company she's been in sure has lotsa retarded donkeys as leaders....and their HR leaders are some off-springs of faggot monkeys and slimy maggots. While the senior - and mostly senile - staff (the baby boom bastards) get to plonk in more moolahs and can afford to drive fancy cars by doing less & being irresponsible of their subordinates, the working levels gets ridiculously minute rewards after being enslaved by those bastards.
Yeah....c'est la farking vie!

How I think & how I see are what seperate me from other photographers....and leaders

3.
For a while, I managed to shrug-off the emotions - I had a shoot on Saturday, with Raydcza, Namerumonka & WLeonard....superb & very "rajin" photographers they all are! KUDOS dudes! Although we had to start early and go on without food under the hot sun until the end of the session, we all enjoyed the session very much...as Namerumonka put it: "Lapar ka haus ka, bila dah cucuk lens & start shooting, mmg tak hengat apa dah!"
...and Mama, after a customer collected the set of cupcakes, had to go to the office to complete some more work...(please read "2" and start cursing the company more! Ahahah!)

4.
In the evening, we went to Dataran Putrajaya. We let the sisters run around and be friendly to whoever they want keeping them in our views all the time - we always allow them freedom to interact and make friends....and they had the chance to view the laser show that night...(the first photo).

They had a good time....though deep within me I wish I can give them more than just this....asyik kena naya & dajal jer dgn leaders, I cannot think about it without being emotionally disturbed...definitely cannot put my hopes on the Zoo anymore...the system is killing me and already starting to damage my bastion of strong will & determination...they wanna make me die standing but I'm not letting it happen...

5.

On Sunday, I had an invitation to attend a talk at the new Canon Professional Center by one of the greatest local photojournalist ever - Jimin Lai. He was a colleague of my master sifu supreme guru mentor Shamshahrin@ImageMaker (another great photojournalist of this country) who decided to be on "sabbatical leave" totally refusing to touch nor look at photographs for couple of years. They are working together to design & run a workshop for aspiring photojournalists in this country.

5.
After the talk, I had to rush back and fetch Mama & the sisters and send Mama to KLIA......the sisters were busy playing in the airplane playground and only started asking about Mama when I took them for dinner at the nearby KFC. The trip back was filled with questions and reasonings....of course....

They spend the night with our maid - the kids been refusing to sleep with me for many moons, which is sad for me but actually good for them, I don't want them to get infected by my disease in any minute possibilities, so preventive measure will have to be considered - be it a hard one to do. I spent the night editing the shots done on Saturday - "client" wants in on Saturday so must complete it as soon as possible lah!

6.
On Monday, I had to (literally!) put a knife on my throat and force myself to go to the Zoo...(bloody rotten place to be in)....but not before I sent Alisya to her skool and later forced by Aliya to take her for a spin...which I did...and the drive to work was not an easy one....bloody fatigue and the occasional mild fever decided to accompany me since Mama was not there as the co-driver....but Alhamdulilah I made it...(the rest of the week I used the solution when we have Alisya & Naufal - 100PLus helps! Fark-off fatigue & fever! Ahahah!).

My heart stopped a beat on that Monday afternoon when our maid called and asked me to get the usual Sedilix for Aliya who's having a fever and Alisya's right eye is turning red. I rushed home after the office hour and brought Aliya & Alisya to the neighborhood clinic. Well despite the situation they were in the sisters were still friendly to the crowd....and the doctor.
A dose of medicine (with some effort of course for the little one!) and then the usual good night kiss, I am left alone awake till the wee hours thinking and thinking about my nasib after another year of giving my best to the Zoo....dammit...how stupid have I been!

7.
It's a great gift from Allah to have 2 wonderful daughters and a wonderful son!
With the new situation I am in, I have been trying my best to reach home while the sun is still shining and spent time with the sisters (since Naufal was still in kampung) and yesterday we went for a little shopping at Tesco. They are really-really "people person", my babies.....they was this cute chubby 2- year old girl and they said hi to the baby and some other people while we were shopping.....and normally, the cashier will get a flying kiss from them.

This morning I sent Alisya & Naufal to their school and had breakfast with Mak & Abah...something very rare for me since the beginning of the new millennium. Work work work...office hours rush (and yet still late and get blamed for coming late - sheesh!) so I decided, fark the Zoo, I have a bunch of lovely people who loves me so much so I will spend my time having breakfast with them!

8.
....and lunch was not a good hour for me today. Che Lie visited and together with the usual bunch we went for lunch....and due to their higher positions (yeah so to say) some of them just could not stop talking about business issues and strategy and whathefarkelse and (still) trying hard to sound smart...babbling in circles, repeating other people's points, assuming assuming assuming (for a change, go do real line job and understand the real deal on running a business!)
Sial betul....for crying out loud, it has been months since we had lunch with each others so.....oh well fark everything.....I quickly swallow my dishes and buzzed off.
So, yeah, thank you everybody, you made it very clear that I am not fit to sit together at the same table so please excuse me....got some donkey shit to clear at the Zoo while you all talk about strategy and billions.
Sick....or maybe I have been too blind to see...because perhaps there are photos of some of them's dead grandparents on the wall of the Zoo somewhere....

9.
Good thing Mama sms-ed that she has managed to get things done faster than expected (despite having a bunch of retarded monkeys as the leaders) and she's taking the afternoon flight back.
Great! I can drive safely to work tomorrow!

10.
The truth is, since last Friday I have been dealing with a huge lump of mixed emotions...in Malay it would be aku rasa diri aku: sedih, sebak, buntu, bengang, marah, dendam, tertipu, bodoh, bangsat, kampungan, mangsa, keji...sial.
(Yes, no good words to be mentioned anywhere but, since this is my blog, I am allowed to write anything lah kan!)
My performance & leadership rating has been down graded from excellent & good to average & poor!
How can that be a fair reward for me? Well if that is not enough, everybody else is leaving and being promoted and I am being asked to also leave the unit despite the available vacancies - a grade above mine - which I have been doing all these while.
Such an insult!
What else can I do but pray and talk more to Allah.....but each and everyone of the leaders involved, will have to deal with this in the HereAfter. Wallahi, for seorang yg teraniaya, I will not end my prayers everyday without a doa for my rights and for all of you to get proper returns on your doings to me, agar kamu semua di laknat, here and in the HereAfter.

Happy birthday Mama!

Hey!! Another birthday cake?!! Well it's for Mama....on the 8th May...and the kids celebrated with Mama and gave her some decent gifts - what we can afford, not what we'd love to flaunt and brag about!

Unfortunately, when this is being written Mama is in Singapore for a week for some work, Alisya is having a swollen eye due to allergy, Aliya is havinga fever and so is Naufal...maybe they miss Mama too much already!

.....but nevertheless, we all love you as much as you can ever imagine Mama!

Alisya is 5.....

On the 28th April, alisya turns 5. She has told us many weeks in advance she'd want to have a birthday celebration with her skool friends. So, we did it for her.....the least we can do for a wonderful daughter....
Alisya, Naufal & Aliya on the 5th birthday for Alisya

Nothing beats a homemade cake!

What did she get as a present?
Initially! But since we had to replace the unit, twice in a week due to instability...we got her a Dell desktop (used) instead..well, the kids have been busy ever since!

We love you kakak!

Captured emotions

I kinda like the surreal feeling I managed to compose in this shot.....
but my works are still not strong enough

1.
Although the exhibition on the 19th April had to be canceled due to UiTM's limited resource & inability to prepare the gallery, I have been too occupied with rescheduling of the exhibition and setting some activities for the year for ChAPs members. At the same time, the appraisal thingy done, we are moving into the next FY planning and I had to present something on that "away day"...which I did, despite the fact that what "the leader" did was almost totally useless, very low level...and tried to frame me by asking me to preset which I gladly took because while they are churning out shitloads of stinking flowery words, I did something else on my Mac and used it to present to the leaders of the Zoo (or whatever you wanna call them). Some stupid question from the SM Sial of my previous unit - tried to look smart and be technical on some matter - hehehe...bad move bitch! In the end, all had to give me a round of appalause...no big deal...though I was the only "macai" who presented, the rest are Senior Manager!

2.
The thing is, I have lost my "passion" to deliver my best for the Zoo and the actual organization. Letih. Not worth it when others who spit & shit you around gets rewarded while you are still rated average. Same lament as written somewhere down there in this blog...so no need to write it again!

3.
So what am I doing about it? Hehehe simple. I keep my brain to myself. Enough of shitbrained people using my idea for their own benefit already. No free ride, as what I have done on the away day mentioned above. If they are incapable to use their brain think, they can rot to death trying but I am not going to wait! Fcuk it.....I have made it clear I am prepared to take more responsibilities - infact I have done more that "the responsible idiot" sitting in that position - what did I get? Not a chance to be offered the position but the position is being opened to others outside the stinking Zoo instead! Great! I am flabbergastered!

4.
The recent shooting assignment was not as I wanted it to be - I freaked out and used the frigging speedlight! That's the beginning of the disaster. So lesson learnt, stay away from the speedlight until it is total darkness!!!

5.
I went street shoot for 2 weeks ni a row...the subject is whet I have presented above - a deranged person called Uncle Ramu. In a sentence, though the shots are nice and definitely above average (heck anybody dare to approach an orang gila and document his life?) I am not really satisfied with my works, I have to bring it up to another level....in simple words, I want viewers to "feel the emotion" in my shots....like Justin Motts's work on Agent Orange. I want tears to be shed, cries to be heard, laughter to be aired.....the emotions coming out strongly from the shot.....still a long way to go but I have made it this far....insyaAllah.

6.
Alisya, Naufal, Aliya are growing well. Alisya plays her role as Kak Long very well indeed. Naufal is playful and close to Aliya. Their birthday is coming soon - the twins - this weekend.....what would you buy for two special kids on their 5th birthday.........

One thing for sure, nobody could buy them love, I am giving them all the love they need and more

The energy they gave me when they hug me in the morning is a huge reward for me......enough to keep me going for the first day of the rest of my life!

I love you Alisya, Naufal, Aliya & Mama!


7.

I have been dragged back into the Rage Of The Machine era these past weeks...

Nothing beats real talent! I will spit that to the those Zoo idiots!

Walla!!! My first Photo Exhibition!

I was surprised when I received a letter inviting Chap Ayam to do a mini exhibition for their "Hari Skrin" UiTM Fakulti Teknologi Kreatif & Artistik , Kampus Puncak Perdana. We have less than 10 days to prepare so I have to be quick and almost do something like "crisis management" - only selected members were called to prepare for the invitation and we managed to stage a decent exhibition...and bring the "Chap Ayam Photographers" name up a notch. We (ChAPs) will have another exhibition on the 19th April....and more interesting & educational activies, insyaAllah

Members Involved for the 9th April Exhibition were:
-Rahman Roslan: Myanmar Refugee
-Ted Adnan Asmadi: Commercial works
- Jidin: Forgotten Faces
- Zayd: Thaipusam
- Ian Ahad: Klang, Di Sebalik Wajah
- Shamshahrin: Bajau Laut & some features
- Yours truly: The Streets of Malaysia

2.
With less than 10 days to prepare, we worked closely around the clock and started selecting the photos and print them individually on A3 size art paper. So, I went shopping for the frames and whatchamacallit...to cut a long & tiring story short - everything was done and completed, ready in Ian's car to be sent to the location by 3am, the morning of the exhibition. By 1030am on the 9 April, everything single piece was on display.
3.
The crowd came in a steady flow - surprisingly the first batch were the lecturers, professors of the faculty (Yeah...we felt like as if we were submitting our final group assignment for final semester!). They were impressed and actually did ask for prices of some of the works....and look forward to the 19th April exhibition ChAPs is going to stage. Students of the faculty were interested with the works on display and we had good conversations and interactions with some of them.
4.
We thought we'd call it a day at 5pm but the organizer asked us to stay on and join the VIP for award giving ceremony & dinner, after which we had to pack all the stuff in and finally call it a day. In short, it was an interesting experience - for the first timers! - and to have our works displayed together with the best in Malaysia/ World.....is a massive reward already. Alhamdulillah.
5.
Though we had to sacrifice hours (which may count up to days!) of sleep, it was worth it....KUDOS ChAPs!


Some photos:
~Rahman's

~ Ted's

~Jidin's

~Ian's (now with a new title: Inchik Labah-labah) with Kacuks,
in a discussion at Ian's "sarang labah2"...got story behind the new title meh!)

~Shamshahrin's(Imagemaker)

~Torque's

Music is always in the air....
one of the many performers for the event -

~The dude next to Ted can really dance, power siut!
(Ted showing his shots while Zayd & Ian the Labah2 fills the background)

~Ehh! Got Labah-labah?

~Ian explaining his work to a student


~Hello!
Weheheh! Laku jugak my shots eh!

~Shamshahrin@Imagemaker explaining his masterpieces

~Rahman in a conversation about his Myanmar refugee series

~Kacuks explaining how to handle 2 DSLRs while wearing a snowcap
and also controlling handsome at the same time. Next exhibition Kacuks will demonstrate how to handle 2 DSLRs while wearing a tudung labuh....and also controlling handsome at the same time!

~ Syai & partner
- ChAPs member who's company is one of the sponsor for the event

~Last on the screen - the short movie that won the award

6.
Thank you to the committee members/ crew of the Hari Skrin 2008 Fakulti Teknologi Kreatif & Artistik UiTM Kampus Puncak Perdana, the lecturers, faculty members, students and everybody who has made possible this first exhibition by ChAPs, an event to be remembered. Thank you all!

7.
One of the common questions asked by the professors & students - "Why Chap Ayam?"

.....because CHAP AYAM PUN BOLEH MAAAA!!!

NOTE: Report di "plagiat" from Chap Ayam's site (no legal issue, same owner!)

A Monday Morning

Let me introduce you to my 4 "buddies".
The tall dark & handsome one on the right is my Sigg Bottle. For more than 2 years, this dude has been holding my supply of clear water - 1L. I will drink about 3-5L per day. The first thing I'd take as breakfast.
In front of the Sigg dude is the Energy Bar dude. It provides me enough energy to last a day actually.
Next to the Energy Bar dude is Yoda. My old faithful iBook G4 - nothing much to flaunt & brag about but it get things done and never disappoint me in whatever situation I am in for the past 2 years...unlike many other wimpdoze machines that I have been using. Hail Yoda! Next to Yoda is a new member to my dude bunch. A Timberland bag that can hold my seasoned D70s, 18-70mm kit lens, 50mm f1.8 prime lens, SB-600 speedlight, extra batteries, extra memory cards & thumbdrives, card reader, synch & charge cable of the iPod Touch, the iPod Touch, my Monologue "Moleskine" Journal, my small organizer, my car keys, cards, coins, a book I am reading, my travel chopsticks, my Sigg cutleries....and some other stuff. The Sigg dude rides in it too.....owh..and Aliya's Litte Dino (her Sigg bottle) or her big Avent "nenen".....and her diapers - just incase. I think I will call this dude "Fred"... after Fred of Nim's Island....

So, there you go....my dudes!

Now that I am done introducing them and I have just completed a quick tutorial on composition & image editing to a colleague, I think it is time for me to read something for the rest of the day....

Bestnya.....been ages since I have this much of free time.....syiok woo!

To be or not to Hep-B

Yes, been 10 days since the last entry.
The dreaded time where you have to write what you have done for the last 12 months on paper and get it approved is back. At the same instance I have to go for blood tests & scan for the Hep-B....and prepare for ChAPs first exhibition. Good. That should keep me busy......


1.
The appraisal thing went well....hoping to get the deserved reward for what I have done. This would be the second time in so many years that I know I deserve more than average. However, there will still be stumling blocks, especially the Zookeeper who'd always think highly of people the likes of him...who lives in the 15th state of Malaysia - State of Denial (as declared by His Royal Kimsterness). We'l see how it goes. wha is meant to be mine will be mine in the end.

2.
The blood tests & scan went well. I wish I could state the same for the result. Though I am prepared mentally for the result, frankly, I took it with a tad of frustration with a mix of fear & anger...but I told myself, what else can I do other than continue the journey. So, for now, I am on medication - just one extra pill from normal - and will have to do another round of tests in a month. So, cest-la-vie......no big deal, let me just take it one day after another....each day would be the first day of the rest of my life...

3.
Mama had to go to Singapore for 3 days last week and I have to be at home as early as possible for the kids. I was thinking to take a 3 day leave and just spend the time with them in the pool at the condo but no can do...as mentioned above already. So, I took them for a movie this weekend...again. This time we watched Nim's Island. Last week was WaterHorse. Next would be...Kung-fu Panda, Ironman, Batman, The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince of whatever......werghh! However the deal is, they have to behave and we'll only allow 2 movie max a month....depending on the titles availability. Owh! I am already allowed an "upgrade" by Alisya....rather than just being King Kong, I am now allowed to be "Abang Mat" from that Geng Bas Sekolah serie. I am not sure why but Alisya just told me that when I grew up I am allowed to be Abang Mat....maybe because I am the primary driver of the family!

5.
This week will be hectic...with the exhibition coming up, I plan to take 2 day leave and concentrate on delivering the best I can for ChAPs.

Light & darkness

~Light & darkness

1.
The fora has ended, for FY 2007/ 2008. Next round will commence in August and in between now and that month, there will be lotsa of things to deal with, as always. I was dead tired by the end of the day but still managed to go out with the kids and do our monthly shopping for their stuff....and in this morning everything is slow....I am not in the mood to go to the office but I just have to complete some appraisal thingy today and that means I have to drag my feet to work...I took the train today since wifey will only come to office after lunch.

2.
When I reached KL Central, I saw a disabled guy who sat near to me was trying to disembark from the commuter train. I just observed what will happen.....and true enough, nobody tried to assist him. which is good...because I want to help this dude!

(No I am not bragging, I am just sincerely telling you a story, my experience I just had not even 10 minutes ago when I actually started to write this down)

3.
The dude was a small sized Malay, perhaps in his late 20's, clad in checkered shirt and dark slack, properly dressed I should say. He's blind and had the walking stick with him, with a sling bag on his left shoulder. From experience, I took his right hand and put it on my left shoulder, assisted him out of the train, and all the way to the other side of the station - Brickfields. from time to time informing him on the approaching steps, and stuff.

I did ask when what should I call him and his answer was just call him Wan. He works in Bukit Bintang area. When we arrived at his destination I bid him farewell and continue my way to work.....


4.
.....but I can't. There's something heavy in my heart. Rasa sebak. I was amazed how a blind man could survive living in this concrete jungle, where not all living beings are nice to each other. It struck me yet again, with my love of seeing the wonders of Allah's creation - my kids & wife & family being the best for me - what has Wan missed of has never been able to experience is something that many of us tend to take for granted.
Being able to see that ray of light is a huge massive gift.....for Wan....but what about myself?

5.
I took a couple of shots around the station so that I can record this learning.....and as I sat here writing this at Warongkita, I am trying hard to hold my tears....I can't imagine if I don't have the gift of seeing....would not even dare to think if my kids would turn out to be like Bro Wan....the gift of seeing is one of the many gifts Allah has given me....and many of just...and for that, I must say Alhamdulillah more often......and I must kiss my kids more.

6.
Time to finish this rotibakar and get in the office...

Things people do for a living....

No entry....

....finally the legs get to be painted!

I wonder how much the dude gets for this job....

...and these dudes too...

Can I be...

1.

I love to ask my kids the "Can I be" question... (especially the twins since if i ask Aliya erkk Neena I will need some deciphering to understand what she's saying...)

Some of the conversation that I had around that question....

a.
While watching Ultraman Tiga
Me: Hmm...Alisya, nanti bila Ayah dah besar nanti, can Ayah be Ultraman Tiga?
Alisya: (Hands on he hips, muka berkerut) Ayah! No! You cannot! Ishh Apa laaa Ayah nih!
Me: Why cannot?
Alisya: Sebab Ayah hitam, Ultraman Tiga mana hitam. Tak boleh tak boleh tak boleh, faham?
Me: (Laughing) Ok ok! faham.

b.
While watching Geng Bas Sekolah
Me: (Joining the kids dancing to the tunes of the theme)
Alisya: (Staring at me) Ayahh!!! What are you doing??
Naufal: Ayah ni tak malu laa!!
Neena: (Giggling & hugging my feet, maybe amazed with the way I danced)
Me: Eh Kakak! Abang! Nanti ayah dah besar Ayah nak jadi Geng Bas Sekolah laa..boleh tak?
Alisya: Tak boleh! Can not! Ayah tak boleh jadi Geng Bas Sekolah
Me: Why not?
Naufal: Sebab Ayah hitam!
Me: (Laughing) Ok ok...kalau mcm tu Ayah gigit Aliysa & Naufal boleh?
The kids: Tak boleh! Maamaa tgk Ayah nihh!!
Me: Ook...then Ayah gigit Neena jer lah (grabs Neena & start tickling her while she laughs and fights back)

c.
While watching Handy Manny
Me: Nanti bila Ayah dah besar Ayah nak jadi Handy Manny la kakak...
Alisya: Cannot! Ayah cannot!
Me: Apasal plak cannot? If can't be Handy Manny then Ayah boleh jadi apa?
Alisya: Ayah boleh jadi King Kong sahaja!!
Me: (Terkedu sambil tergelak dalam hati!) Whaaat? Why King Kong??
Alisya: Sebab Ayah hitam & besar!
Wife: (Tergelak guling2)

I love my kids!!

BTW...how can I be a bit putih eh?

2.
They love the new condo....so, the day after Maulid Mama took leave and we decided to stay a night with minimal lighting and we brought over the 14" TV set and DVD player to keep them entertained through the day. On Maulid day after I finished shooting we drove to the condo and after Asar, it was time to get wet...

This little lady can already float on her back....

Naufal needs no floating apparatus anymore....

....and Alisya thinks she's a mermaid Princess...

Too much pool already and now I wonder if they'd like to go for a swim in their favorite picnic spot...hmmm...should try ask them....(though I already know the answer - "let's go to our new house laaa Ayah!)

3.

This is the 10th year for F1 to be in Malaysia. This is also the first year I am not driving the FIV for F1. No free tickets for me too. Not a problem, I enjoyed watching it on TV with the kids. Their favorite driver only managed to get 8th. It is ok considering the "bad package" Team Renault has this season....it is gonna be fun & interesting. Just wait and see, maybe if "the team tha should always win" is not making the points there will always be excuses to change some rules or some other team may have to be stripped off their points or use of technology...that's been the storyline for the past couple of years anyway!

4.

One more round of the forum to lead...and then I plan to take 2 days off (long weekend) so that I can spend more time in the pool with my kids and forget about the happenings in the Zoo. Mornings & afternoons in the pool with the kids, no other activity...nothing! Really looking forward to this break!

Blank!

Today I got a shocking news which made me really really feel like leaving the organization. I could just leave if I belong to a silverspoon breed. Unfortunately, I don't. Unfortunately, I have no option but to accept it as fate (yet again). Unfortunately, the richer will always gets richer and they don't mind how they go about doing it as long as they get more. Unfortunately, the top leaders are just too blind and belongs to the same type. Unfortunately enough already.

The news...was that somebody has impressed the top leader with a paper that she had done for a high profile yearly event, attended by the top leaders of the organization. The fact...it was MINE. The idea, the paperwork, all done in a team and all that person did was took everything and talked to the top leaders off line as if it was hers...and wallaaaa.

Sial. The only word fit for this kind of person.

Haram. The only word that I would allow for everything that this kind of person gets.

Ironically, I have a very strong support in an appraisal system, from a superior/ senior staff who was involved to coach us in the preparation of the event...everything was mine. Truly mine...but the leaders are just too blind...maybe because they have consumed more haram income than others, their hearts have turned black and solid.

Well, there will always be winners, if not there wont be losers. In this case, I am a loser....but at least I don't feed my family duit haram....never.

Go ahead, win all you want, from the top leader and each and everyone involved in this unfair treatment, and their family members, I will never forgive them...not even up there in the Hereafter.

Not worth a sen

~ A Hindu boy waiting for his relatives campaigning for PAS during the Malaysian General Election 2008, at Sg Sekamat, Kajang

~A car sporting flags of BN & UMNO drove past a banner of the opposition party during the Malaysian General Election 2008.

~ Small section of the crowd during a ceramah by Tuan Guru Nik Aziz at Precint 9 Putrajaya on the last week of campaigning for the Malaysian General Election 2008.

1.

The General Election is done and I must admit I am happy with the result - BN losing out 2/3 majority. I would not comment much since I really hate politics and I have been a victim to politicians at the lowest levels ever since I was in primary school. All I can say is I don't have any respect for those involved and although I was just not even 12 years old, it dented my heart and I took it seriously and use it as a burning platform for me to be better than those involved (Alhamdulillah so far so good, they are nowhere in sight compared to what I have achieved so far) and made it a point not to be involved with such low esteem bunch & their activities. I am not sure if I had wrote in detail about that single incident which made me anti-politicians but that is not important anymore. What was done was done. No way I will ever gonna forgive them, never.....and it is always good to have something new for a change.



~ A backdrop banner of Jenice Lee - DAP Teratai during her campaign for Malaysian General Election 2008

~ Lim Kit Siang of DAP addressing the crowd, campaigning for Jenice Lee during Malaysian General Election 2008

2.
The F1 season started with a good show by Alonso. Kubica could have done better, Rosberg did well - at last! - and Kovalainen deserve to be where he is now! Hamilton? Well, I realized I really have problem with rich brats - whether they are mild mannered or otherwise - there is something in them that is so common - the attitude of being a rich brat. I cannot explain it but it is just so typical. You know, the type that may have never had to starve because there not enough rice to go around the table (bring the scenario back to home ground)....or have never felt how it is to just see others getting what you have always wished for no matter how hard you try & succeed in your exams you parents will never give it to you because they just cannot afford to although they love you so much and wish they can give all you wished for. That kind of attitude that's missing in a rich brat. Disrespect to the unfortunate. The "I must have it all" kind of attitude. I just hate it. I'd vote for the rebellious punks, the likes of Juan Pablo, Fernando, Jarno rather than these rich idiots. Anyway, it is just the beginning, we'll have to wait till mid-season at least - there should be something not right about the leading team that Fartrari would be able to find and bring the team down to ashes and beyond. Farking sore losers!

...but t is just good McLaren-Merce showed them who's the boss in this opening race....


3.
With 1 more session of the forum to go and the confirmed movement of almost ALL of the team, I am looking forward to a new assignment comes the new FY...well maybe not. The truth is, it is just good to be a zombie and let others do what they want to. I am tired of trying to satisfy others and doing all that are required in order to be treated equally - or so to say. I am tired of listening to complaints, arguments, bickering, bitching.....so, I would just stay stoned and do what is expected of me and continue with my life....that's cool enough for me! Workable enough too...

It is just annoying to realize that I am becoming the last from the selected few in in the highprofile project that is left without a workstation with high walls. Kira kasta rendah la. While others have got it much earlier or just got it recently, I am yet to be considered qualified to be nominated though I have done bulks and loads of shits much demanding that what some others have done (read: impress the farking top leader and get others to do the job and take all the credits possible). Oh well.....everything is ok unless some idiots starts poking me around with ridiculous issues and deny me of my rights...as long as I am left to do my stuff, everything should be ok, I don't care what is it they want to achieve, kat akhirat nanti sendiri mau ingat lah.

The distance is already felt by me since I am the only one left from the original team not entitled to higher status like others....but am not allowing it to not make me a lesser person. It is ok because I am comfortable being what I am and I don't mind at all to do lunch on my own or just kill the time with my DSLR because of the position I am in would not be acceptable to listen to certain topic of discussion they have over lunch. Infact it is ok if others are above me and I will retire in this position, I don't mind at all, if it is written as fate then it shall be done. Well, personally I am not interested to debate and talk about work or projects over lunch - at least not everyday - because my life is more than just about the blardy Zoo.

4.
Time for lunch...now where's my DSLR....