Turkish Race Weekend

.....I just don't wish to use the beautiful Sigg knife to dig out some idiot's throat one day...


1.
There have been ups & downs since I last made any entry in this little blogsite. The ultimate down happened on the Aug 25th. and the peak of it was blown into pieces the next day, by yours truly so that today everything turns back to normal, living a better life then before, as always. Alhamdulillah.

2.
In preparation of the worst case scenario - relating it back to 'the B thing' I have in my liver, I have asked for release from the zoo to move to a place called BTL - a position is waiting for me, offered by a good manager. My only request was to get a place for my wifey so that we are still a double income earner family - I could not afford to be the single breadwinner, with 'the B thing' if anything happens to me, who will feed my family?
So, e-mails were sent, phone calls were made, interviews were done. the stumbling block was a policy - never written but in existence in the HaRaMjadah zoocenter. Checked with the relevant people and was informed there is not such policy written and it was only a guideline, it should not be an issue since my wife will not be in the same unit, just the same zoo. The interviewer who is the HaRaMjadah manager of the BTL zoo also have put high hopes to my wife that she'll get the post....being a friendly couple, we believed that kayu.
The HaRaMjadah kayu manager of the BTL zoo had to write a report on the issue - stating the intend to employ wife. The kayu also informed that the policy is not an issue, he should have no problem bringing us in but the only stumbling block was that the position for wife is meant for internal staff. Ironically it was the secondary position - which will report to him and with her experience, wifey was sure to outshine that kayu in a couple of months. The original position was open to public but somehow or rather, the kayu wanted wifey to be in his unit. Only one simple conclusion to that - kayu is clueless and incompetent to run the show (ask around the small BTL zoo!) and wifey would be able to tidy things up.....indirectly his intent was to make thing easier for him!
I have no doubt about my wifey's talent, capability or professionalism, she will be a better manager/ SM/ GM CEO/ VP/ President than me (if I ever gonna be one of those!) She is overqualified, willing to get a lower pay, the intent i just to get a position in this zoo and move the family there. We know we can deliver what is expected and even more for that BTL zoo..... but in the end, powerplay & politics rules this zoo and what my wifey got was a stupid SMS saying that due to HaRaMjadah policy she could not be accepted in the organisation.
Just SMS? The kayu has not been answering her calls and is 'allergic' to e-mails and all the kayu did was send this one stupid SMS to ditch everything we had worked & prayed & hoped for?
Definitely the kayu got some flare from me - fcuk it if he's a manager or what, the way he treated the whole thing is a disgrace to the organisation - my wife is from outside and it just shows how unprofessional & fcukingly idiot the kayu is and this one single idiot can tarnish the whole reputation of the organisation.
But then again come o think of it....as if I care that much about this whole organisation after all! It is just a stinking zoo filled with idiots of those sorts!
Let's just cut it short....obviously there are personal agenda to all this shit, misuse of power, unwritten policy, on one hand I got a green light but on the other hand it was a different set of ruling and nobody dared to see us face to face to explain.....after a couple of days thinking about it, I finally decided I am not going there anymore (ever!) and so let it be....it does not make me any lesser of a person, I have to be fair to myself and wifey, we do no deserve to work with imbeciles that have half he brain cells of a dead sloth....I'll let this one pass and those involved will get it from me for as long as they are in this stinking zoo.

3.
Alonso's driving was superb and the red idiots attempt to squeeze him in the first corners resulted to multiple crashes in the mid fielders, if he's unprofessional he could have crashed into both the red idiots and Fisico would be able to bring up the point for the RF1, but hey, RF1 is a gazillion times more professional than the red idiots team and when Alonso won the battle against Schumster in the Turkish race it just like RF1 screaming the fcuk it up your nose FIA, rule out them mass-dampers or anything but the best is here to stay....and Massa's victory still made him nothing more than a clown to the Fartrari team (what's else do you expect a second driver in the team to be laa kan?! No matter what, that shortguy is not listed to be the drivers next season - he should start realizing that already...that bozo!). The race cameras are controlled by superb idiots - many important/ interesting scenes were not aired, on our screen most of the time would be the fcuking red cars trying hard to look innocently good and fast but everybody knows, thanx to the FIA ruling that made them faster than the rest with 4 more circuits to go this season.
I just could not understand why people support the team who has low respect to the other drivers than the over glorified one - who'll still be there next season just to make a clown out of Raikkonen....it's a disgrace to the sport. True F1 fan would actually prefer/ enjoy the mid & end field battles between the likes of Rosberg, Heidfeld. Kubica, de La Rosa (well sometimes he's with the front field lah!) and Webber. The front end is just too boring now with the red idiots farting their way to podiums by having the unfair advantaged given by the fcuking FIA....and RF1 struggling to put up a challenge and make the race more interesting (so that we can see a blue & yellow care somewhere between the screening of the red cars during the whole race period).....for this season, the rest of the teams are just nowhere to be considered as worthy opponents to the two teams....unless there are multiple crashes or rainmakers decided to have a party the night before.....or FIA come up with some other rulings to make sure there's only two red idiots driving in the race and on the screen all of the time.....and please, bring the HonDUH teams -especially the Aguris - to a go-kart circuit instead!

Everyone...Meet Faris

Faris...II

Don't you think that there are reasons why we exist here on this earth? Reasons that we tend to - perhaps - neglect or deny unconsciously, subconsciously or even consciously, intentionally....and some of us, we create other reasons/ excuses to make us feel we are doing the right thing.....?
We'll only know in the end if we have done the right thing or not...so for now, it's up to us whether we want to serve the reasons, or do what we like...

Huh?

I am not too sure why am I staying up at this wee hour....I could not sleep after answering some PM in some forums I frequent....helping some people with tech matters mainly on digital photography and Mac-matters - not that I am well versed in those topics nor am I a techy, but by helping others I can strengthen my understanding of the subject, at least that's how it is for me laa kan.

...but, yes frankly, I could not stop thinking about Faris....that's why I am still wide awake after doing stuff I promised Faris I would do for him tonight. I hope my prayers are answered....

My lovely wife finally got the bank account number of the father and informed me on the way back from office, little Faris is still on life support...he's left alone, attended by the nurses of the hospital in Kangar.....father & mother had to come back to KL with the other siblings...something they really really do not want to do at all but had to do due to commitment & responsibilities...

The father said they spent a few final minutes with Faris before leaving him....and, while the father was actually talking to Faris, telling Faris the family had to go back to KL and he's gonna be left alone with the nurses for a couple of days so don't feel sad because father will always remember Faris and call the hospital frequently for update, the father saw drops of tears on Faris cheeks......

I wish the hospital is near to my house, so that I could visit Faris - right now, and talk to this little dude or just be there with him so that he won't feel too lonely in his struggle....and bring my Alisya & Naufal meet their new adik susu...

I wish I could do more to help this family....I wish I could do more....I wish I could take over or share the sufferings of Faris....

but....be strong Faris....your brother & sister love you so much. We love you so much....

Not many people visit this little blog of mine and for those who does, I really appreciate the time you spent here.....if I may, I humbly request a couple of seconds of your time to pray for Faris, to make it through this test, and to be able to meet Alisya & Naufal.....May the Almighty bless you for your kindness, my friends...perhaps you can also be Faris's friends soon...

Insya-Allah....

Faris...

Started writing this one while waiting for the blood tests to be completed at the specialist centre on Saturday morning....

1.
Alisya & Naufal have a new "brother" - the mother that provided milk (ibu susu)for Alisya & Naufal recently gave birth to a baby boy named Faris...about a fortnight back. They have not visited him yet.....distance and schedule is part of the factor but the main reason would be the complications Faris is enduring right after he was born.

The baby was put on life support system, immediately after delivery. He had to be fed using tubes because of some flaw in the structure of the mouth - Melayu calls it 'sumbing' - which made it difficult for Faris to take his supply of milk without choking. The specialists are now doing some further tests, including chromosome tests to find out if there is any further complications Faris may have to face. The father is having some difficulty to finance the medical treatment Faris is having, the company he works with does not support 3rd child medication.

Mama could not just wait and symphatize, she initialized a fund collection for Faris and the team who managed to gather the fund handed it to the father before he went back up north to the family. Not just Faris is having complication, now the second child - Danial (Alisya & Naufal kid "adik susu") is having high fever.

People say, if you are given a strong test by the Almighty it is a sign that HE loves you and wants you to be a better person. I believe that. The father is a cool dude, soft spoken, very friendly and very humble. Never once in andy difficult situation I have seen him frowned, a smile is always there on his serene face. This is not the first time for him. The first child is a girl - pretty & chubby as Alisya! - who's about 6yrs old now. Danial was born a third child, they lost a child - baby boy before Danial - minutes after delivery. The specialists did mention to them during the pregnancy period that the baby is having some problems and there are many complications based on the tests done but the father & mother decided they are not going to abandon the child for whatever reason. They are mentally prepared for whatever that may come their way. Now, they are facing a similar test, with baby Faris.

I have very high respect for them. I have never met any couple/ person that is as noble as this one. They put aside their worldly needs and put all the priority to the babies they are having, always. They were there when Alisya & Naufal need the supply of milk to become 'adik-beradik susuan', they refused to be paid anything for the supply of milk which Alisya & Naufal shared with baby Danial at that point of time. (Alisya & Naufal also shared milk supply from my kid sister a little later than that when she delivered Raiyan.) They never failed to come to our open house/ birthday invitation for the twins. They really accept the twins as their flesh & blood and every time they met the twins, I witness how much they love the them.

If only the long awaited 'announcement' for the annual big 'B' is done......for the time being....I can just pray for that and for baby Faris to be strong in dealing with this test.

...and for the father & mother, I will pray for them to be stronger than they have been. It is fair for them to be rewarded by the Almighty with highest blessings and a very bright future in the hereafter.

2.
In my life, there would be 2 different people with the name almost equal to baby Faris, both are my best buddies and they have never met each other. I will make it a point that baby Faris will be my best buddy too, next to Sheikh Mohd Faridz Bin Sheikh Salleh and Faris Mahida Bin M Dali.

Faris/ Faridz (the pronunciation is almost similar, what matters most is how you spell in in Arabic) means "knight, excellent horse rider".

Alisya & Naufal love horses.....

3.
These past few weeks, I have been feeling very tired, fatigue but I cannot rest easily. I could still do stuffs with Yoda (FYI Yoda is the nick I gave my iBook) or read some books or magazine. The fastest way for me to fell asleep would be to watch TV. Even if it's the interestingly tech-plot related CSI: (my current favorite because Lost new season is not yet in). I'd woke up groggy in the morning but after a cold shower and morning prayers I am ready for action.....until it's late evening where the fatigue comes into play again.
...and the cycle continues


4.
On Monday afternoon, my mind was really troubled - with some "policy" that may affect my plan with my family - sooner or later. Decided to finally go down and have a late lunch after which I met AbeDib - been ages since we last had a good talk, I just hugged him naturally, like I have finally met a long lost brother.....and being a wise person I believe he was able to "read" my mind and gave my a casual nasihat, he recall back my entry when we found out we are finally having a baby, and asked about the twins and Aliya, and talked a bit about his "daun" entry and relate it back to "qalb"....that's when I was woken up from the misery I endured before coming down, I felt at ease almost immediately....and I almost shed tears when I have to bid goodbye to AbeDib.....Allah bless you & your family AbeDib....

5.
Woke up to do some prayers and start some work but the work part never got started - end up cleaning some tech stuff and updating this blog.....enough already of thinking how unfair it has been, I can only be fair to myself and my loved ones so I think I'm gonna stop here and go kiss my babies....

The Hungary Race Weekend

Aliya over the weekend

1.
Been a tiring week...covering for CL who's on MC. The kids are having a great time since their cousin Zulaikha is here.....we have problems making them go to sleep! Infact the little lady Aliya is also excited....she would crawl around the hall and try to join whatever the crowd is doing....had a great time with Aliya this weekend, crawling around with my camera chasing her trying to get some good shot of this princess is challenging.

2.
Saturday morning, Alisya went for a follow-up session and the specialist was happy to see she is doing well. Infact she asked us to start giving Alisya ice-cream in the next 7 days and monitor any changes. She is still a baby and should not be deprived of anything a baby deserves. Went to their Alamanda indoor playground, they had a great time.

3.
The race weekend started off bad when Nando lost his cool and reacted "unprofessionally" against Doornbors....and Schumster was also in the bad book for overtaking during a red flag...which he claims was not entirely his fault and asked people to look at the video and conclude who is at fault - indirectly he's blaming Nando for it but whatever it is, both were fined 2seconds to be added to their qualifying times on every round.
It was almost a disaster but Nando faught back and managed to show although without the mass damper system, he can still clock in a good time compared to the teams running in better unfair advantage. To cut short Kimi got the pole, Fisi could only snatch 8th position, Nando was on the 15th.

4.
Flavio was recovering from the operation and made some surpising remarks on a site. If you read the Star on Sunday, page 51, you'll know what I mean. My comment would be - Hey! It involves the Italians, look what they have done to their soccer industry!
Mass dampers or no, the race started well and RF1 showed the hell to Ferraris and FIA(t)....Schumster was trying hard to hold Fisi at bay but thanx to this GermanShepard's greediness, while trying to tap on Fisi's right rear wheel, Fisi managed to dodge and flew away and clipped half of the Fiat's nose...and the crowd went wild (in my small hut at least!) Was happy to see that, until Fisi had to retire, not shown on the screen why on earth he skidded but Team Radio did warn Nando after that incident to be careful of oil slicks somewhere around the place Fisi retired....I cannot help but think the Schumster damaged Fisi's suspension, or maybe Fisi screwed himself up....he's an Italian by the way.
The race became more interesting after that because Fartraris were slipping away and groping for traction....until Kimi had a massive collision with Liuzzi (another Italian!) That was really the turning point and I bet Kimster would have already switched off the TV and off to get some food instead - lapar tak lapar lain hal! It was a major incident...and to cut short despite all the ruling against Renault Nando was flying and not only took the lead and spread the time well against Button but LAPPED THE SCHUMSTER! Take THAT Tifosis!
Despite the brilliant blitzkrieg by the Renault, luck was not on their side and Nando had to retire almost immediately after the final pit stop due to rear tyre failure. At the moment this was written, the RF1 team was not so sure what was actually the cause but some say it was due to bolt failure, or broken suspension.
SAD! But Nando had shown the world the Rainmaster is not Schumster anymore....and again I could not stop thinking that maybe at least one of those mechanics handling the rear tyre must be an Italian!

5.
Button got his first podium top after 116 tries...not so impressive but nevertheless he did it at last! I would not be surprised if those jingjangjoe and selfdeclaredsuccessfulpeople type of Honda drivers would be driving like Button strating tomorrow!! But please! Button started with 10 positioin penalty - he was using a new engine unlike the rest of the field! SO celebrate while you can but just do not be surprised if the frigging Honda blow up again during the practice in Turkiye next 20 days as it did this weekend...and many other times before! Heheheh!

6.
I am proud to see the performance of Pedro de La Rosa & Kubica, Heidfeld too. As long as the FIAt team is not there, I would be happy to join in the celebration....the RF1 guys & gal actually flooded the grid to celebrate Button's achievement....but no reds was seen on the screen. Sore losers! We'll slaughter you in Turkiye! Pull your FIA(t) puppet strings to slaughter the rest of the field but in the end you did not survive the blitzkrieg today!

7.
These past few weeks, I finally managed to get in touch with my longlost buddy from college days. He's doing well with his family in the UK and the parents are still there in Pahang.

8.
Have been feeling fatigue and sleepy lately. Next blood test & check-up is this coming Friday...hopefully everything is ok lah....

Smoking

An artistic composition named boredom

1.
The weekend almost turned into a disaster - Alisya had high fever on Friday and after a couple of visits to the clinic, it went away but not the phlegm. She had difficulty breathing at night and we went for nebulizer at least 3 times and it was enough to bring her up & running for the sports day on Sunday.

Let's win it!

2.
It was their first sports day ever, they were just too cute! Alisya was not in a particularly good mood all the way but Naufal was. His team won the event they participated, Alisya's team got 3rd. As for the parents game, we won the first place by far (hehehe!) The family is built as winners...Alhamdulillah.

Aliya joining the fun

3.
Then the week starts all over again....left over from last Friday was a presentation cum meeting for all the zooleaders of the BigPictureZoo. To cut short, I do believe when people say I am a miracle worker, tagging with CL, it is definite truth. In 30 minutes we have to re-arrange the whole pack and numbers to fit what the zooleader wants.

The preso went well....I mean what do you expect to achieve if you are presenting against a bunch of people who just love to be in the cloud nine & painting flowery pictures and trying hard to be ignorant of the fact of life to the people who actually do the real work.

It is not my zoo anyway.

4.
Alisya's coughing lead to complications, she had difficulties breathing and on the morning when I was about to drive to this one hotel to facilitate a 3 days session, I pulled my t-shirt and drove her to the pediatrician in the nearest specialist that she has been visiting since birth.

Alisya had to be admitted. I was there with her all the while because Mama had to complete some stuff in the office and furthermore the big boss from France was there for the first time.

I enjoyed the time spent with Alisya, although I am not sure whether she felt the same! At times I had to be very strict to her, this lady I tell you, she just had to do something all the time although she was struggling to breathe.

Well....I learnt over the couple of years of being a daddy, sometimes you just have to let them hate you to make things better for them.

5.
I am just too sensitive when I see open burning ever since I have kids. Kalau kat kampung tu I don't actually mind but in the city, I feel like kicking the person's head ajer.....

Oh and for the record....I hate smokers who can continue smoking even when they can actually see there are children or babies around them. It is ok if you do not value your lungs & life that much but please have respect for the younger ones to keep their lungs healthy. Even my father in law would never smoke in the house when any of his grandchildren is around. I really respect him for that (and many other things of course).

6.
The weekend after the sports was their Usu's graduation day....if only the organizing committee could just be more humanely sensitive on handling the time and family of the graduates...the whole session was really an overkill for the kids especially. The element of "syok sendiri" was so evidence...and the selection of music is totally not acceptable! Poor brains they have - the organizing committee. I would not be happy if it was my graduation event! Pity the graduates and their family (ours included!)....Baby Aliya is having running nose now, Naufal looks tired and Alisya, still the same!

The coming weekends will only be about the five of us! NO MORE GOING TO ANY EVENTS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE FROM ME - THE BOSS!

7.
So in conclusion, the past 2 weekends was tiring, my temperature was on the rise most of the time (and also my temper). I need to vent the negative energy out somehow.....

As I See It

1.
I don't think I have mentioned in this blog about my reading habit. Perhaps it is about time I do so. Reason being, so that I would be reminded that I have declared about it in public and at the very least I should make it happen!

Reading is not a habit I have but I am trying to make it a natural thing....for years! Well, so far so good, I have read much more in the past 24 months being in the BigPictureZoo compared to the past 10 years I have been in the OverallZoo. I guess it is something that most of the creatures in the zoo would like to do but always find the excuse of could not find spare time to do it. I was among those who think I do not have time to read. But somehow, I managed to break free from that mentality and started reading small books, mainly suggested or given by His Kimsterness and some others who knows my personality well and thought these books would help me to be somebody useful to the nation one day (sounds so skima....hark hark hark!) yeah I do buy some of the books that I read but the bulk of it actually came from Kimster and some bosses and friends and my lovely wifey.

2.
I find it is easier for me to (start) read, and (finally - if ever possible!) complete reading books that come in certain sizes. The smaller to medium sized ones, not too thick (like those novels by Stephen King back in those early years!) and most importantly the topic and presentation is to my liking. What I try to do upon completion, it to try recall and write on post-it notes and paste it on somebody's workstation (usual prey would be His Kimsterness, Sly and some others in the zoo) some paragraphs in the book that would be the most significant lesson I can derived from it so that at the very least I would be able to remember what I have learnt from the book.

3.
It is unlikely for me to read the latest, newest, most best selling book available on the shelves. In total honesty, the main reason is because I am not interested to be "among the earliest" to get or read it. I would read books that are being suggested (or given!) to me. So far the is a queue waiting up....just to name a few in no particular order:

a) The Greatest Salesman in the World - Og Mandino
b) Long Way Around - Ewan McGregor & Charlie Boorman
c) How to enjoy your work - Dale Carnegie
d) Ilusions - Richard Bach
e) Bagaiman Untuk Menjadi Ibu Bapa yang Cemerlang - ??Lupa la pulak siapa!
f) the list goes on.....

So, as you can see, I have more than I could chew for now, that is why I do not actually fancy buying any new ones of the shelves, at least for now.

4.
Allow me to share something that I learnt from a book I read recently: As I See It by Konosuke Matsushita.
It is actually a compilation of articles written by Matsushita in PHP Intersect -a journal of the PHP Institute which he founded.

One of the articles in this compilation was about problem solving. None of us can escape problems - for as long as we are alive and we are humans, we will have problems. Konosuke Matsushita breaks down the lessons in the art of problem solving into 4 parts.

Lesson 1 would be to face the problem squarely. Do something about it before it gets out of hand and do not even try to evade the issue.

Lesson 2 is to remember that all problems are relative. A major source of mental anguish for a person may mean nothing to another. The greater the person is, the bigger his problems are. Suffering does help you grow.

Lesson 3 is to think of problems as medicine or fertilizer for your growth. A crisis is a golden opportunity to test your true ability and toughness. Try to look at unsolved problems from an entirely new/ different perspective. Do not let perceptions guide your thinking. Questions your assumptions one by one and you will be able to free yourself from the tunnel vision you have been led into. Try to see the other side of the coin and you will begin to see a ray of hope. Imagine yourself standing in the other fellow's shoes and evaluate the problem from his perspective.

Flexible thinking is the theme of Lesson 4. An emperor, as a sovereign, must love all his subjects equally. When I (Matsushita) realized this, all my personal problems began to look trivial and thereafter I was able to handle them with confidence. Flexible thinking & taking a fresh perspective can facilitate problem solving. There are always choices open to you so choose the best course of action from the many alternative available.

5.
I am just happy I managed to brake through the "could not find time to read" mentality, it is an achievement for me.

I guess, in life, we might say some things are easier said than done.....but if we do not move a muscle to just try it, we will never know.

The Circuit de Nevers Magny Cours weekend

1.
From en.wikipedia.org: Paintball is a sport whose participants use compressed air guns (called markers) to shoot paintballs (roughly marble-sized, .68 caliber, gelatin capsules filled with colored polyethylene glycol "paint") at other players. The game has drawn a wide array of players worldwide and is found in most major countries in the world, and is one of the safest team sports. The game can be played indoors or outdoors in a varying range of styles. There are a few specific rules for playing paintball, with most designed to ensure that participants can enjoy the sport in a safe environment. The sport employs many different types of equipment and has developed its own slang to describe special moves and situations.
From Apple dictionary:
paintball |ˈpāntˌbôl| |ˌpeɪntˈbɔl| |ˌpeɪntbɔːl|
noun
a game in which participants simulate military combat using air guns to shoot capsules of paint at each other.
• a capsule of paint used in this game

From en.wikipedia.org: Treasure hunt is a game in which a single player or a group of players try to find hidden articles, locations or places by using a series of clues. A common and traditional application of the treasure hunt was the Easter egg hunt that was performed on Easter Sunday mornings. Children would find an Easter egg or other Easter gift by reading a clue that was given to them then going to the location of that clue. Sometimes this game is performed as part of children's parties with the final article being something other than the Easter egg.
From Apple dictionary:
a search for treasure.
• a game in which players search for hidden objects by following a trail of clues.


2.
I have done a series of jungle trekking treasure hunt when I was younger but never paintball. It is something that I would love to try but still am not able to. Due to my physical & health condition but it would not stop me from trying it one day, insya-Allah when I am in a better condition, like I used to be.

Yeah I must admit, though on the display I may look like I really don't mind being fat and ugly and unfit, deep inside me it is different, I wish I could do those things like paintball, and things that I used to do couple of years back.
I wish I could ride my bicycle 20 kilometers straight on, or do vertical or horizontal off road rides for a couple of hours alone, then jump into a stream and refreshed cycle back home just in time for mid-day prayer, like I used to.
I wish I could still do the full reverse swing kick accurately hitting a target 2 inches above my own heights, like I used to.
I wish I could run 5 kilometers non stop and come back feeling nothing but sweating like hell, like I used to.
I wish I can scale up a mountain alone or with a couple of buddies, spend a night on the top can scale down the next thing after dawn, like I used to.
I wish I could pick up my tennis racquet and play with the tennis gang for a couple of hours after office, like I used to.
I wish I could play in a 10-a-side or 15-a-side team of rugby for tourneys, like I used to.
I wish I could still call by squash racquet sparring partner Kufad and do 2 hours of bashing the walls after works, like I used to.
I wish I could sit my tahiyatul akhir properly, like I used to.
I wish I do not have to sit and pray but instead stand and do all my prayers normally like I used to.
But I can't. I have my uninvited, unwanted - or call it self inflicted if you wish -limitations built throughout the years of my life.
...and it hurts me why some people decided not to be a bit sensitive and not try to understand my situation.

3.
I just can't do some of those things like I used to. I just can't.
It hurts me, being a failure, a fat idiot, a slob. But I have to live with it and make excuse around everything when needs be, so that I would not be getting false perceptions nor sympathy from anybody.
But I just can't do it all the time without losing my patience, I cannot.

4.
I have had 2 facial injuries - steels are implanted in my face - and that final order received from the specialists was I was never to be involved in any contact sports ever, if I suffer any more hits on the head, it will be a big baddie.
I have a bad ankle due to falls and stuffs during my younger active days, it can hardly support my weight now as I walk. I had to take the stairs with properly coordinated steps slowly, unlike those days when I can just sprint and skip 2-3 steps as part of a warm-up session.
I have had a bad wrist due the the fall I took when I was playing soccer in my primary schooldays, ended me being bandaged for about 2 weeks and it still does not look as it used to be before the fall.
I have a fat body and I am not fit as I used to be.
....and recently I am diagnosed as HPV-B positive and I am advised not to be very active and just take the daily dose to help the system fight the shit and take it a day at a time.
I am sorry, I just can't join some activities be it organized or ad-hoc because I have those limitations. But deep inside me, I am actually screaming like crazy, hating this body to the maximum, hating the limitation to the maximum, hating the disease to the maximum, and how I wish I can run away from all these be able to do those stuffs I mentioned. But the best I could do is stand by the side with my camera and try to be useful and take pix of them doing the fun stuffs.

5.
But I am willing to sacrifice all of those, for what matters most is I have the time to spend with my kids, my family, especially during weekends.
Anything that would jeopardize this is really going to make me feel mad beyond hell and it happened this weekend.

It was supposed to be company hosted Family Day but it turned out to be more like Let's-have-fun-playing-all-day-long-with-the-clowns-you-work-with-in-
the-office-and-let-their-spouses-and-kids-get-wet-till-they-freeze-
their-arsses-at-the-frigging-pool Day. I wish I was fit to join but I knew my situation and made excuses that I just wanna snap photos of them......even for that I was too slow to catch up with these seemingly fit people and I don't find it amusingly fun thing to push my anjured ankle to catch up with them while pushing Aliya on her wheelers in a middle of the heat just to take photos of them, the privileged participants. So, I called the kids and spent the whole afternoon with Aliya at the pool side while the twins were taken care by the maid for a splash in the pool. Mama have got to be with her team - staff only - and have to not be with us and join the activities organized only for the office members. Treasure hunt & Paintball. The kids had a good time though they did asked where's Mama and when they were all tired and cranky, we packed the load of floaties we brought together and went up to the room, changed to dry clothing and fell asleep together. When I woke up at almost 5pm to take a bath, from my room I can still see those staff-only teams were still down there, having a good time among themselves and noisily running around....the treasurefarkinghunt and paintfarkingball lasted all daylight - and the half of the moonlighted part of the day was spent waiting for names to be called for freebies sponsored by vendors, it was not even half over when the kids were all tired, sleepy and cranky.......and they call this shit a Family Day?

I am really furious with the event. Very.

6.
To top the excruciatingly frustrating weekend, Alonso lost the advantage when the farking balachi of Ferrari with a short tongue name Massa blocked him off his legitimate race line to allow that overrated Schumi for a win. The balachi did not manage to get the second place though....and if you are a true F1 follower, you will notice that those TV8 hosts are really annoying....why do we have those idiots on air every raceday?!

7.
Though it was a bad weekend for me, I am just happy the kids enjoyed playing in the pool & with the sands. While the others enjoy sweating, laughing and running around with their colleagues and team, for me seeing my kids laughing and splashing in the pool is more rewarding than anything else in the world.
Maybe when they are bigger I'll play paintball with them - family only event - staffs and office dickheads are not wanted and can go foad.
Maybe one day, maybe sooner, maybe later, maybe I would be able to run with the wind again.....but for now the thing to do is to continue with the daily dose and hope to be breathing when that day finally arrives.

090706

There comes a time when out of the blue you realized
"Sheeshh! I AM getting old!"

It happenned to me this weekend, while I was online with my goodbuddy AbahNaj, waiting for the WC2006 final kick-off. I turned 34 on the 9th July - official final matchday of the WC2006.

Well, it's not really a concern, aging, it's part & parcel of life. Death too. So, I'll just take it as it comes and for now, being blessed with a beautiful family, I still think I am the luckiest guy on earth. Alhamdulillah!

Thanx Mama, Alisya, Aliya & Naufal for the gifts! It's really cool!

....and the kids are growing (wish I can freeze time and enjoy this moment longer). Alisya & Naufal can now cycle their bikes & trikes....and they are outgrowing the bikes & trikes really fast. Won't be long before I have to get them proper ones that will fit their sizes..and a proper head gear for them.
(Ehehhe! Won't be long for me to get that Specialized rig too perhaps....or maybe a GaryFisher...or a Schwinn...decision! Decision! Ah well..specification hunting still in progress anyway..)

The office bunch had a surprise for me too....birthday lunch @ Chilli's KLCC....with dishes that made us all very sleepy afterwards and a big piece of ice-cream cake with everybody singing the birthday anthem! It was the first of the kind for me....being budak kampung or what but hey come on, how many times would you be able to get Marsha (who coincidently was there) to sing along with the zany bunch for your birthday laa?! So, here's a special thanx to:
- Che Lie, Kimster, Sly, Rinzy, Kimi, Hisham, Sha'arin, Zul, Rox & Bahar (who cud not join due to "mengadap" session)

What I am currently looking forward to, everyday, is the "borak till we fall asleep" session with Alisya & Naufal....they somehow became very-very manja with me, started over the weekend. I have to be the one who has to bathe Alisya in the morning now and when we come back from work Naufal would be hugging me (Alisya will do the same to Mama first), while Aliya waits eagerly with her wide bright eyes for her time to be hugged & kissed soon after.

Oh..that little lady is already prepping to crawl....

....and looking at the rate she's growing, it's not going to be long before she'd be riding the bikes with her sis & bro!

Oi sayang! One thing at a time la....crawl first,
then walk, then baru catwalk!

I just want to remind myself, whatever happens during the day, I will always come back home as a true champion.....I love you all, Mama, Alisya, Naufal & Aliya!

The Indy Race Weekend.

1.

It has been very tiring, the whole week. Traveling is just a part of it and does not contributes the most. The drive back from kampung was cool actually. The part that really tires me up is the things happening in the corporate zoo. Yeah I was the only one to look after the small unit I am in since both bosses are out. Well, it is not really that hard handling the unit alone (especially if you do not have the authority to decide!!!) but it became a challenge when the bosses are back! Things that can be done fast and easy became more complicated. Focus on priority issues gets blurred. Tiring.

2.
One part of the tiredness would be the hoohaa on completing the performance contract of each creature in the zoo. It is supposed to be a simple thing, very straight forward, half an hour seating with the superior should get it done and add 15 minutes to key everything into the frigging system, we are set to do real work! That was what we (me & my direct superior) did last week. While the others were still deliberating about their year plan and get dwelled into deep discussions & debates, we just used the year plan that was decided by the higher level and dived straight into the contract preparation for each of us. No biggie at all. Yes? Well, NO! They really have to have a meet on this for the whole zoo, everybody will have to be there and participate in the discussion, challenge each other's contract to the minute detail.
For whaaaaaat?!!! The other week the creatures that occupy the higher part of the cage had a day or two to discuss their respective contract. Why the hell should it be challenged again, and by the same creatures? I am not really impressed by the way, with how some creature in this zoo tried to look smart and used quotes by almost dead ex-CEOs. Estupido! Imbecil!
10 minutes into the meet, I walked out and do stuffs for about 15 minutes, grabbed a book and went back, let the monkeys fight it out and impress each other. Some of them just have to say something, just for the sake of saying something. Get the bananas out of your butt and eat it among youselves! Dammit these monkeys! I have to use the room next for a bashing the incompetent consultant agenda till the moon is up!
Finally it was done....

3.
Some people really have to impress others, regardless whether they know what they are doing or not. If id does not affect other - it is ok. Unfortunately, there bunch of creatures are those who'd stay at the higher part of the cage, therefore they will always trouble the rest below them.
How convenient, they can just drop an e-mail asking for some info or pack for them to meet the other creatures that sat on top of the cage. In the first place, I do not know why are they there in the first place. Could it be that part of their performance contract is make it difficult to the rest and look important while at it? Maybe I miss it when reading their contract the other day...

4.
The OS dilemma.....here I am at my workstation in the zoo with 3 different machines. One Mac OS X, one Psion on EPOC R5 and one Acer on Windows XP SP1 (don't ask me why it's still SP1!)....ohhh another one...a Symbian device, my P900....but that's just a phone, to the other mortals....
Switch the OS X machine on, in a minute I am ready to do stuffs.

Switch the EOPC R5 machine, I can set to do stuff immediately. Switch the bloody Windows machine, it got stuck, then BSOD (Stewpeed fark! BSOD!!), reboot it, managed to logon and it just stalled immediately after being logged into the LAN.
Idiota.
Not just the OS is unreliable, the bloody hardware is nothing worth paying a single sen to start off with!. I have said it so many time and I will say it again and again - ACER builds the bloodiest most unreliable ugly looking and cheapshit copycat design machines ever....and yet people (and stewpeed policymakers of corporate bodies) buy this useless crap.
If you are earning your income and value your money, NEVER EVER buy ACER products. That is my sincere input, after being stuck with this brand for 10 years due to stewpeed decision/ policy....so, if you are about to get a PC or any It stuff. AVOID ACER at all cost, as long as you live!
....and if you really value every single sen you have earned, you might not want get thet OS made from pirated program and made an idiotageek a billionaire...be it the original version or the pirated RM5 version....cuz in the first place, the original base are pirated, and it have been cursed - by those who was robbed off their programs by that idiotageek!

Since I cannot do anything on the machine given by the zoo. I'll spend more time on the Psion or the Mac today! Great!!
.....oh....and the helpdesk team did not understand when I mentioned BSOD......wonder why.....wonder why!
I made a conscious decision more than 6 months ago to dump windows and get a Mac for personal use....it may be one of the best decision I have ever made in life, never regret the move. Never ever.

6.
Have you read any book recently?
Well I have. Infact I made a conscious effort to actually read at least one book at one point of time, and try to complete it. The latest one I have completed (Yay!) is Jonathan Livingston Seagull, a Story. Written by Richard Bach.
No, it is not one of those only recently released self improvement, business management hoo-haa kinda big seller thingy that many aspiring (read: wannabe) leaders would get (read: buy on company's expense), well you know what I am inferring to - those books written by some famous CEOs or Management Gurus where some people would try hard to quote in meetings, hoping they could impress others and look smart while doing it...
No, it does not belong to that category but it is a book none the less, and we can learn a thing or two from it.

I just want to share two extractions from the paragraphs in this book that I found most interesting and I would use to sum the whole book:
a.
......"Sully, for shame!" Jonathan said in reproach, "and don't be foolish! What are we trying to practicse everyday? If our friendship depends on things like space and time, we've destroyed our own brotherhood! But overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now. And in the middle of Here and Now, don't you think that we might see each other once or twice?"
b.
"Your whole body, from wingtip to wingtip," Jonathan would say, other times, "is nothing more than your thought itself, in a form you can see. Break the chains of your thought, and you break the chains of your body too...."

Next book I am about to read is also from Richard Bach - Illusions. Ironically the book was sent by the secretary of the GM of the zoo today with a note to me. He realized I was carrying the Jonathan story recently read earlier paragraph above) and we had a short discussion on the topic then he asked me whether I have read Illusions. I guess the Zoo's Boss realized that I am reading (regardless in meeting or anywhere!!!).

Montreal Race Week

Baby Aliya

Last weekend (the one before Indy race weekend) we went back to kampung for aqiqah for all the kids in our family and potong jambul session for Aliya, Raiyan & Danish. Unfortunately Danish could not be there because Angah had to attend a company event.

Macam anak arab la pulak dah!

Kompang Team...and tukang sibuk -->
Tu Ustazah Zainon tu Aliya, cikgu sekolah agama masa Ayah, Pak Ngah & Mak Ra still schooling

Imam Masjid Sulir reciting doa, Ustaz Azman of Jabatan Agama giving ceramah

My cousin (host) with President of the Kompang Club

Fatin Syafiqa (my anak sepupu) Johan Qariah Johor if I am not mistaken


Some of the crowd...mcm tak ramai jer orang2 muda....hmmm

President Vespa Club of Segamat (big guy in the Kantor Polisi!)

Some of The Vespa & Easyriders...and a Fireblade

Aaaa ini la kerja anak dara aku, membelasah tapai, manja sgt dgn Tuk Abah dia
...the best place to be in any kenduri-kendara -
kat tempat masak (kebuk) where all the yummy hot foods are still hot!

The session went well, the tiring part was when there were just about 8 of us to do the aqiqah.....werrgh....half of "the team" was not really trained or have a proper skill to do it but Alhamdulillah it all went well.

The week following that weekend was hectic and filled with some ridiculous out of focus meeting by the zookeepers. That will be told later. Perhaps.

Team Geist & Team Spirit

Aliya and her Team Geist & FeverNova

1.

The World Cup is here again. Although I am not an avid soccer fan, World Cup is something that I would very much follow - at least I will make the effort to be in front of the tv for the matches of my favorite teams, especially if they are qualified in the semi quarters & final.
Was never a good soccer player myself, as far as I can recall the last position that I played "officially" was as a right fullback @ midfield for my class (Form 3B "Bash Street Kids" 1987) in some sort of carnival. Never played any soccer since then. The only soccer I played since I started working would be with my little nephews at that time Danial, Waiz....and of course, when Naufal & Alisya are here, the weekend spent at those parks we frequent may include a couple of minutes kicking that miniature replica Adidas FeverNova of World Cup 2002.

For World Cup 2006, the Team Geist is the official match ball and unlike the FeverNova, this ball comes in so many versions of replica. I have been hunting high & low for the black & white version of match ball and really wish I could get the miniature Team Geist replica for the final of the finals.

Each match ball has the team names, date and time of the kick-off. For the final, the date is on my 34th birthday and I though it would be nice if I can get one Team Geist, the miniature replica of the final kick-off, if there's any such ball for sale.

The only Team Geist I got for now is the one from Doha which Pata gave the kids as their birthday present - the blue & white replica miniature. The kids love the Geist. Aliya loves it too. She would 'talk to it", pat and push it around, bit it.....she just loves the blue Team Geist.
Hmmm.....maybe I should give them a miniature Team Geist each....

Huh? Me support England?!! Phbbbhhtt! Malam sikit!!
Germany & Brazil laaa!

2.

I realized that the F1 team which I have been supporting for the past 4 years or so - Renault F1 Team - has quite a similar name to the Team Geist. Renault F1 Team is also known as Team Spirit - related to esprit de corps. Esprit in French originated from Latin word "spiritus".
Geist (as in Adidas Team Geist) means the spirit of an individual or group, originated from German language "geist" which relates to ghost.
Team Geist carries the meaning of spirit of a team, which is the same as Team Spirit.

One of my RF1 Team Spirit 2005 Collection

Confused? Heheheh!

Whatever it is, France is not one of my favorite teams when it comes to soccer. My teams would be Germany, Brazil, Spain (which happens to be Alonso's origin), Italy & South Korea.
If you ask me to choose only one, I would choose Germany....because it has always been either Germany (Karl-Heinz Rummenigge) or Brazil (Zico - now Japan's coach) since my childhood days.

3.

The weekend went quite slowly.
Decided to take the kids for a swim at their cousin Raiyan's place on Saturday. the bad news was both the kiddy & biggie pool were not cleaned. The water was green. By george...how irresponsible of the management. Well, since it has already been promised, we had to got our favorite little stream with the kids. Aliya's first encounter with nature. She sat in the kiddy boat all the time - she enjoyed her first picnic very much and on top of that Mama was interviewed by some tv crew that was shooting at that area for some sort of documentary program. Aliya was the centre of attraction.

Okay Ayah! I am ready for some action now!

Brrrr!! Sssseeejuukk!

We just made it into the car when it started to rain quite heavily. After lunch, everybody was too tired to lift a finger, coupled by the rain it was a perfect excuse to doze. The evening was nice though, took Aliya for a walk around the neighborhood.
Mama served Sunday breakfast on the porch after the kids went for a short drive to buy newspapers. The rest of the day was spent fooling around with the kids. Aliya is now capable of making her own noises and she just refuses to sleep when there are people around here until she became very very tired.....and started to mengamuk before finally doze off.
Promised them next weekend will be spent at the kampung. The kids are really excited about it already.

This weekend was great. Since I was away for a couple of days before the weekend anyway....it was the opposite of last weekend which was quite hectic for me...had to fetch the Renault from James's workshop - and that damaged the wallet a lot! Then sent Uncle Sly's car back, rush to get the night train ticket back to JB to fetch my old car....was on the highway back to KL after a couple of hours sleep only. Then on Monday evening had to say good-bye to the kids again...organizing a workshop for 3 days full time....come to think of it, it was a hectic week actually.
(Heheheh! Hopefully tak kena saman on the way back...with the GSR tops in the hood now, this "Zhng-ed" Persona is not for the faint hearted! Riceboys & Hongdas only layak to breathe it's smoke only meh!)

The horror that happenned to my Persona...

4.

The kids & Mama bought me a cake recently...Father's Day celebration in advance...
They gave me some gifts too....now I have a proper casing to put all my pills in place! Thanx Mama, Kak Along, Abg Angah & Baby Aliya! I love you all very much!

Was on leave on Friday but 3/4 of the daylight was spent at the medical centre. Alhamdulillah, seems that my liver is looking like it's getting better. Just have to continue with the current medication and the next visit would be in 60 days time. In the mean time, losing some weight would be good.

060606

060606...The 6th. of June, 2006....it will be history to my family. Our beloved grandmother - the last of my grandparents, passed away. She was a very very soft spoken and pleasant person, who came all the way from "seberang" and became a resident in our kampung in BP. All her life, she seldom left the kampung except when she were taken by any of the children (my uncles/ aunties) to their home......and the time when she went for hajj & umrah. In her early years, together with our grandfather, she worked hard - rubber tapping as the main source of income while doing other kampung jobs. Life was not easy for the family. They came not from wealthy background, originally were alien to this land, they did face challenges and hardships. However that did not stop my grandparents from raising their children and provide them with proper education. Alhamdulillah.

I was not really very very close with Al-marhumah, well, not as close as I was with grandparents from my mum's side but it does not mean I love her less than the rest of my grandparents. I love them all equally. Without her...and the rest of our grandparents, I would not be here today.

...and I will miss her dearly, as much as I have missed all my grandparents and relatives that have crossed the line into the next life...


....I made it clear to myself, I have been missing some values in life with regards to certain family related matters....and it will have to stop.


Come to think of it.....we have came a long way....it may not seem to be an achievement for some others but we have came a very long way to be where we are now, and we have been grateful for everything that we have in our live, no matter how other treated us...there were those who spat at my grandparents, maki-hamun them for no apparent reasons, looked down on our family because we were poor, denied them of their rights, cheated them of their belongings to make profit, up to this moment.... and well yeah, name anything from those drama minggu ini, they'd probably have experienced it already.

I still know the where beings of some of those mean people and their families...but that is not important.....the only thing that is important is for me to say Alhamdulillah...with their kesabaran & ketekunan, I am now here with my family....thank you Bah Tua, Mak Tua, Atuk & Nenek....you all will always be in my heart....in our hearts....

........maybe I will continue this part when I am ready to tap on this keyboard again...

Birthday Weekend @ Monaco Race Day

May, a month of celebrations for our family. Mama's birthday, our anniversary and since it is in between April & June, we normally celebrate Alisya & Naufal's birthday too and of course, the Mother's day. So, we have a lot to celebrate in the month of May....but the main highlight would always be the birthday bash for the twins. It is always fun to organize a birthday party for them. Although birthday celebration has never actually been something I am accustomed to, since we have Alisya & Naufal in our live, it is part of a yearly event that means a lot to me. It is just rewarding to see them happy and having fun with their friends....and the joy & excitement in their eyes when they receive lots and lots of presents.

For 2006, they are blessed with their friends and aunties & uncles who managed to find time to be with them for their small celebration. The preparation started couple of months back - thanks to Mama who planned everything...from A to Z.

The session started at 3:00pm on Sunday. Final preparation was done in the morning.....and a big incident to the preparation was when the MPV broke down near Pasar Sateville. (Read: Major one...I guess there goes my plan to fulfill my wish for a muscle bike - again!). Had to borrow their Uncle Sly's spare car for the time being. Thank you so much Uncle Sly! Though it came as a big surprise (you bet...somebody at the service centre is gonna get a load from me soon), it did not affect the mood of the celebration after all.

The first to arrive was their neighborhood friends....some came in pirate costume and I believe I saw a girl in a panda outfit! Uncle Sly was next to arrive and the rest followed. At about 4:00pm, the cake was served. Batman & Cinderella did their part with just some minor havoc....ever since they were babies they just love to touch and taste any cakes (especially those with candles)...and that was what they tried to do to their birthday cakes!

Oit!! What are you doing Kakak!

When the singing was on, Alisya was too shy to stand behind her cake, she actually hid behind it and then went under the table! But when it was time to blow the candles out, Naufal was quite hesitant....and Alisya came to the rescue, blew the candles for her baby brother's cake and her own.

I'll do it Batman! Pfhuuhh~!! Pfhuhh~!! Walla!

Then the main concentration was on the foods lah...and I had the time to borak with the people.

Just some pix of a couple of their uncles & aunties who were there...

The energy level of Batman & Cinderella was declining towards the later afternoon....but suddenly went up again close to maghrib.

They were supposed to open their presents after maghrib.....but the twins were too tired to do anything....they only did it next day....with help from their kid sister Baby Aliya.

Can I have this one mummy?

Although the crowd was not as we have budgeted it to be, those who came made the celebration a very very meaningful day, for us and our kids.

....on behalf of our kids, we would like to say thank you to those who came....the kids were very happy to be with all of you.....and no words could express how much it mean for us...thank you so much...
you are the most wonderful uncles & aunties anybody could ever have!