Everyday.7:2009.07.31

Lock & load...three fountain pens (black, red & green ink each) + one 0.8mm technical drawing pen. All filled up and ready for the 5 day liquefied natural gas technical awareness crash-course starting next Monday in Bintulu, at the world's largest LNG complex on single location.

~Khairil F. Jamian/ CHAPs, MY.

Cute cute!

Aliya Irdina with her hairdo - done by the teachers at her daycare center.
Cute~!

Everyday.6:2009.07.30

It has been quite a day, concentrating to complete quite a thick report adjusting paragraphs, sentences, words, numbers....re-doing graphs, tables...taxing to the eyes and brains...but it's refreshing, doing something important & valuable that will be appreciated by many....but when I looked out the window, I thought something is wrong with my eyes...but not really...the haze is still around...urrghh!!!

It was not as bad, couple of days ago...
...will we ever be haze free?

~Khairil F. Jamian/CHAPS, MY

Everyday.5:2009.07.29

On daily basis, the attempt to upload a single image via P1 WiMax from home would be nothing short of searching for a needle in a haystack. Most of the time I would just upload the images from office during lunch time or before going back and do the write-up later at home. My FlickrPro account has not been updated since dinosaurs were last seen.
Complaints & complaints would just end up to nothing and frankly I don't know what to do, if blowing up the P1 building is legal, I would have done it much earlier!
Streamyx? From the stories of others, it has evolved to the worst-est possible evil (and still evolving!), from what it used to be. Same horror, if not worse.
The effort to do 5 postings in 5 days, without missing a day would be nothing if P1 held it's promise like it used to be....so much about being a developing country with state-of-the-art info. tech, telco & multi-media savviness oozing out of everyone's noses & ears....but that's life, at least in this Boleh-lah Land!

Good thing I have my Lamy pens & monologue notebooks!

~Khairil F. Jamian/ CHAPs, MY.

Everyday.4: 2009.07.28

New watch. The decision to buy was quite a hard one since I am really attached to the G-Shock Casio which my wifey & kids gave me more than 5 years ago. Been wearing it almost every day since. The casing & body - made from resins - has became brittle & started to deteriorate and falling off. The other 2 Timex & a Guess do not fit on me anymore....hmm and where is that Alba I have kept since my 3rd year in university...
Some people (perhaps most people) would say watch is not for telling the time but a status icon worn on the wrist of the owner.
Well, all my watches are not about showing off my status (I don't belong!!)...but although they are cheap, they are originals, affordable and most importanyly very reliable when it comes to telling the time.

~Khairil F. Jamian/ CHAPs, MY

Everyday.3:2009.07.27

On a Monday morning, having breakfast while watching PHDC on Astro. The kids go to a Chinese Language Kindergarten & daycare Center - The Star Children House, a conscious option we made & agreed by the kids, to equip them for their future - ability to master at least 3 different languages - spoken & written.

~Khairil F. Jamian/CHAPs,MY

PassionCreative

Siti Hajar Ahmat (my wife) writing the bill for a delivery
of a custom made wedding cake,
watched by our youngest daughter Aliya Irdina Khairil
When you combine your creativity with your passion to do something that you really want to do, what you would most probably get is achieving your set targets, one step at a time insyaAllah.

PassionCreative was registered recently and there is not a single doubt in our hearts & mind, this is what we want to do, what we love to do, what we are really good in, what our future would be...insyaAllah.

Why? Because we are just sick & tired of being pushed & bullied around by others in the corporate world.

Everyday.2: 2009.07.26

On a Sunday morning, 40minutes drive away from home after delivering some cakes for a wedding, the kids & my wife having breakfastat Taman Warisan Pertanian, Putrajaya - where normally I do breakfast after Saturday morning cycling with some friends. They really enjoyed the foods...and ice-cream a bit later...before buying some local fruits at the small expo at the car park area.
~Khairil F. Jamian/ CHAPs, MY.

Everyday.1: 2009.07.25

Aliya Irdina, my youngest daughter (for now insyaAllah) trying to understand the basics of science on her own, while having breakfast on a Saturday morning.
~ Khairil F Jamian/ CHAPs, MY

"What really deserves to be photographed?" - a simple question that beginners and experts alike must continually answer....

Books & Magazines....

1.
My wife's work of art is published in WANITA magazine, August 2009.
Passion Creative....that would be our registered company name.
Another step forward....Alhamdulillah.
2.
Today I bought "Everyday"- a work of Byron Wolfe. I may have shot some better shots than him but it's not about "who has got the better shot," it's about what he has to share & what I can learn from him and become a better photographer than I am right now, InsyaAllah.

Time to produce more master pieces, like I have always did anyway....InsyaAllah.

Is it really that difficult?

This was shot recently....
at 630pm, the heat was miserable
& the haze was annoyingly visible
yet, it looked like as if it was a misty cold morning!
The air we breathe is not good at all.
That's why I have not been too well for the past few weeks I suppose.

1.
Is it really difficult to admit defeat?
No, not for me because I don't look at it as something negative. For one to become a winner, there must be at least one loser. The way that I see it, the winner who appreciates his opponents and treats them with respect, would only then be a winner. The opponents who are willing to accept defeat, celebrates the winning party and move on, would be the real winners too.
At the end of the day, what you achieved is not the purpose of your living.
How you achieved it and what happened along the way would be what really makes you a respectable person, or just another swine like those I knew in my previous office. They must always win and regardless how they do it, they will.
No, my strong words and all in my FaceBook is not about me denying defeat but about me being denied of decent justice. Everybody may interpret it differently - especially the tamak haloba idiots involved in the whole fiasco - but if one says he/ she understands what I am feeling, the person is very kind but it's just a massive lie. Only me, myself and I would understand how it feels to be where I am right now.

2.
Is it really difficult to forgive and forget?
Yes. In this particular case, it is for me.
Some things are just much easier said than done. For a person who had to deal with death & burial of his loved one on his birthday; injured, operated several times and have to live with some pieces of expensive metals in his body for pursuing his previous passions; suffering a blardy disease until the moment to succumb comes; multiple mishaps in just a single month this year; sidelined, ignored by many who has lesser braincells than a dead sloth; all I can say is, nobody has the right to say "I really do understand how you feel" to me, unless you have gone through those I have mentioned above...and believe me, you would not want to even think to be in my place!

Don't get me wrong now - all the positives words and encouragements are really appreciated - thank you very much my friends....but the burden and pain, is nothing like any of you could ever imagine....but still, I love you all, my friends!

In the end of the day, it is me who will stand and continue to strive & fight, with my family by my side. They are the only people who knew what we have been through...my 6 years old Alisya & Naufal, my 3 years old Aliya & my lovely wifey.

So all that matters for me is to still continue breathing and giving my best for them, regardless what I am being marked or branded. I am here for them and who ever try to make it difficult for them, I will deal with, openly or discreetly.

3.
Is it really difficult to move on?
NO. I have moved on but from time to time I am reflecting what I have endured, to remind me why I am standing where I am now.
One day - sooner or later - I will die and I would want my kids to know how much I love them and I have done my best for them despite what have happened. They should be facing the world as better persons than what I am (or was, when there is no more me in this world)...and no doubt, they are much better persons than those heartless people involved.
Unlike what is being claimed by some idiotas, my kids are not "my best achievement in life" (Come to think of it....what kind of a stupid prick would claim personal glory for the existence of his/her kids anyway??! It's all about claiming glory even though it was not his/ hers, even from his/ her own child?? Lowlife!)
BUT for me, my kids are achievers and I am going to be proud of them whether I am here or not, because I gave my love & time for them all the time as much as possible, not just painting romantic words here & there to make everybody think high of me while actually always not being there with them....like some idiotas!

4.
Is it really difficult to ask for forgiveness?
NO....and thats what I am doing now:

To Mama, Alisya, Naufal, & Aliya,

I have told you about this moment long ago and now, with the letter given to me this morning, the moment is finally here.

You all know how I have worked for the last unit I was in and how the whole events came to shape. I am not going to feel at ease until I ask for your forgiveness, for the first time in my working life I have been "failed" miserably by the powers that be in the organization.

I am sorry, I truly am. Achieving some goals I have set for years, meant a lot to me. The ugly truth has happened and the hard fact is I never got the chance to achieve it, most of the time when I was so sure I am going to achieve it, it would be shot down by some powers that be.

For them, I might not be a worthy person to have as a worker but I want you to know that from the moment I knew you, I have been trying to be a good father/ husband one could ever have....I hope you will understand what I am dealing with and for your support - all of you - all I can say is - I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT WORDS CAN SAY.

What has happened means I have failed to give you some of the things that I have planned & wanted to give you....but I shall redeem this failure in the near future - insyaAllah. I have learnt that buddies are nobody, when it comes to pangkat & harta they'd conviniently slash you as they have to. I should never depend on an organization but my own true skills & capabilities.

We have crafted our better future for the past few years and I will work it out for all of you. That is my promise, to you, Mama, Alisya, Naufal & Aliya.

Forgive me, Ayah sayang sangat Mama, Alisya, Naufal & Aliya.

5.
It's going to be a lovely day Torque...tomorrow and the days after tomorrow...insyaAllah.

Splashed!

Last night, Mama & Alisya went to see the Merchant of Bollywood.
I had to stay back and take care of Naufal & Aliya. So, I took them for a splash and equipped with my old-faithful 18-70mm Nikkor (the kitlens for D70s), D300 & Sb-900, I tried to compose some timeless shots....I managed to get some.
Would love to have the 70-200 f2.8 Nikkor one day....

How to have a good weekend?

-Mama's work of art

Simple....for me at least:
Laughter, smiles, joy...LOVE!

Movie....b-day party....borak before we sleep....

Just Write!

~ Faber-Castell TG1-S 0.8mm Technical Drawing Pen (something that I have always wanted to own since my teenage years!) and my monologue notepad for my personal use (got one more for work related use lah). Dulu tak mampu, sekarang ada rezki sikit, bolehlah kumpul slowly the TG1-S, 3 units of Lamy Vista fountain pen each filled with different colored ink - red, black & green and a Unicorn MP300 0.7mm mechanical pencil as my main instruments to jot down my thoughts & feelings.

I have been writing this blog since January 6th, 2005. Before that I actually started my first blog on October 3rd, 2002 "The Greener Grass On The Other Side: Living the life we have...the only one" but I was not too focused on writing, not until I got Alisya & Naufal.

From time to time I'd jot my thoughts in my monologue journal, since February 8th 2008. I guess the old habit that I had when I was in my college day - writing journals / my thoughts / ideas here & there - just came back to life in 2008.

When the ISP fails, I could always turn to the monologues to write or sketch anything. It will remain there and when I am gone, I hope my children and their children could learn something from it.

I might not be the good intellectual kind of writer, famous with lotsa followers and all....but I write from my heart and for me that is all that matters.
Alhamdulillah...I think my everyday has now somehow become a lovely day, each one of it, as it comes...InsyaAllah.

Love

~ more than words can ever say.

....perhaps not really "just another day"?

My Girls:
Siti HAJAR, ALIYA Irdina (Neena), ALISYA Irdina
with NAUFAL Irsyad at the background reading his book

I took this shot as we were about to leave our condo (read: rumah pangsa!) to start the day - send the kids to their skool & me & wifey off to our offices.

.....sometimes, our present "just another day" could be something that we'd cherish very much in the future....for me, every single moment with the family is a treasure I would not exchange with anything at all

Reliability

...seriously in need of reliable ISP.
Otherwise I'd be spending more time with the monologue notepad & the new Faber-Castell TG1-S 0.8mm tech-pen.....which I don't mind doing at all.....because I am sure the TG1-S & the monologue are reliable!
~ on Symbian mobile device

090709

9th July 2009 marks my 37th year on this earth. Alhamdulillah.
Blessed with wonderful family & friends, I am the luckiest person on earth for the past 37 years and more to come insyaAllah. I got 3 cakes for the day... 2 from the Sunshine floor bunch and one from my lovely Wifey & kids - the unique NIKON cake!
..and a cute Certificate that I have installed on my workstation..

With my beautiful kids
- my wifey took this shot!

Wifey made this - such a talented person
and pretty too!

"Not so surprise" Lunch @ CPK
with the Sunshine Bunch

The Sunshine Bunch

...really appreciate every single things that I have around me....ALHAMDULILLAH...have to appreciate it more than ever...and let go of all the negatives and that's been killing me for the past 5-7 years.