Stronger Than Hate

1.
"....Chaos, rampant and age of distrust...
Confrontation, impulsive sabbath..."

"I stand above their remains
My vengeance I have regained
I don't know what lies on the floor
I won't be locked up anymore..."

"Run..."

Some of the lyrics, phrases, words, sentence or
whatchamacallit that have been in my head since 1980's....Slayer, Sepultura and The Punisher. The kind of music and character not meant for any wussies & wannabe....feels like hitting the pedals strong...Jamming anybody?

2.
The kids took their grandparents to dataran Merdeka recently, to visit the KARNIVAL USAHAWAN DESA 2008. Interesting stuff....even felt like walking the memorylane..

I learnt to cook rice in bamboo from one of my fosterfamily in the jungles of Pahang when I was selected by JPM & JHEOA (BAHEIS) for a program that lasted almost a month....sedap nasi tanak dlm buluh ni....especially when you eat it with lauk-pauk kampung.....perghhh!

Neena was happy to get her favorite snack (one of her favorite snacks!) - keropok lekor....

A can of Dr Pepper to start the weekend.....Part 2

1.
The kids are quite confident to perform or do what's need to be done in front of crowd nowadays. Not bragging about how talented and smart they are nor am I saying I am shaping them to become performing artiste....no, I don't have to brag about how talented my kids are - because my kids are my kids and they are not for show-off or be treated like trophies!

I spend time with them because it is a great gift from Allah - not because I want to write about it & tell the world how good a father I am lah!! I let them choose what they like to do, with some guidance. If they succeed, then - ALHAMDULILLAH....and one thing for sure they will never be a failure because whatever it is everything is destined by ALLAH thus why I try not to be like many kiasu parents dumping their kids into many activities just because they can afford it OR others are doing it, and knowing not what is it that the kids really like....the true person inside the little body. Oh well, I am not going go give a lecture on that...what I want to write here is about a competition Alisya & Naufal casually did - sand art competition at the new shopping complex I mentioned in the earlier entry.

When the DJ (ala2 DJ supermarket punyer type lah!) announced about the competetion, Alisya & Naufal decided that they want to take part - not me who influnced them....of course, Neena was curios what's going on but her age is not qualified to take part, so, yeah in 4 years time you'd be able to take part too ok Neena?!

Though Mama was quite unsure of the outcome, the kids made it through...Naufal got the consolation price & Alisya, got the 3rd place ALHAMDULILLAH.

Congratulations Kakak & Abang!
A small achievement but its your step towards the future! I am so proud of you both! (...and you too Neena!)





2.
Naufal walking the pad where he actually took his first lesson to walk. Shot recently when I took him to KLCC Park. I told him that was the spot where he used his walking-trike with his first Adidas. The shot is available in the earlier entry of this blog.
Alisya accompanied by Neena (read: tukang sibuk) on their first ever congkak game taught by Mama.....

Neena and her Touch, (what to do...whenever I am back at the rumah pangsa she will claim it's hers!) admiring the photo of Dibo The Gift Dragon & friends. The kids now have upgraded my status from "Can only be KingKong" to "Yes Ayah you can be like Dibo"

.....heaven siut...ada anak2 mcm Alisya, Naufal & Aliya & always spend time as much with as possible them! ALHAMDULILLAH!

A can of Dr Pepper to start the weekend.....Part 1

1.
Last couple of weeks been very hectic. I am not sure how many hours per day should be enough but working at 24 hours per day is a challenge especially when there are many things to be done and your priority is set to be with your kids - my priority at least! But I am coping as much as I could and try to make good progress out of anything possible, insya-Allah.....
To keep the mood on happy tunes, I always try to explore new stuff, view things from different angles (photographer's way) sometimes appreciating those very small things in life can strike a huge smile on my face. Dr Pepper for instance- something that I have not tasted in years - and I was curious enough one day to go up to one supermarket and walla! Available for sale! Bought two and on the way back to office I met a buddy who used to work in the same unit years ago and gave him one - the diet version - and boy was he happy! Instead of making myself smile I made my old buddy smile on that day too!

2.
Outing with the kids & family has always been the key highlight of the week. Nothing else is more important than this. People can write and brag about what they would like others to believe themselves as, but I don't do that...and I don't charge others whinging when they are telling the truth about their life & burden they have to face, so convenient for many to just wash these poor souls aside because they have made the cut to the "upper echelon", or think they have made the cut lah!!
...well, c'est la vie - Melayu mudah lupa (all races actually not just Melayu!)..to me being with those bunch who could not appreciate others below them is a waste of time in life and I got only one life, so instead of trying to look witty & good & impress others all the time, I just make my life really really REAL and SWEET. So I guess that's why ice-fream shops like BaskinRobins is part of the deal in our outings....heheheh! They love it...so as long as I can afford it, I will give it to them, insyaAllah.

3.
Well logically of course what kind of a father who'd not want to spent precious time with kids as cute as this!

They are not wearing tudungs full time yet but the time will come insyaAllah...this shot was done when they were testing the tudungs set for their aunties....


4.

..recently we went to this new shopping complex at the new place we have moved in to. The playground is nice and the kids love it there - spend more than an hour documenting them playing and making friends with the other kids there while Mama & the grandparents went shopping.

Yeah...they had fun, me too!

...tbc..

Natural progression

1.
I don't have any clear idea why I wrote the title above but it just came across my mind and I thought it may lead to something interesting......
2.
So far the only thing I can comfortly converse when it comes to this topic, would be the journey I am in....not the one involving ladders, snakes, monkeys and corporate setup but my journey in the photography arena...I started late, seriously! ...but I have been progressing quite well considering the kind of people and politics I have to deal with even though I am out of The Zoo. One thing for sure, if ever there will be seperatiom scheme option I might just grab it and slingshot my plan to reality.....InsyaAllah.
3.
Another natural progression worth talking about would be that of my Baby Aliya. Ok she is going to be 3 years old soon and for some people that is not a baby anymore but from my point of view my babies will always be my babies no matter what is their age : )
Now, for some reasons, Aliya @ Neena has been fond of snow. She actually collected some polystyrene pieces used as artificial snow to decorate x-mas tree and put it in a tupperware case...and claims that as her snow. Maybe one day we'll be somewhere packing snowballs Neena, InsyaAllah.
4.
A week after I wrote the above paragraph, I sense and experienced a change in my area of taking charge and accepting responsibility. It just a natural progression, nothing to do with "gila kuasa" nor am I hoping for favorable rewards or all that ZooShit.....it just a progression, sort of a rebound from a deep abyss I found myself being thrown in by the ZooCreatures. This is something good, I think.

5.
It is 5:00am and that means I have been awake for about 1hr 30min since the last word was entered in the paragraph above. Updated and synch the iPod Touch and managing the playlist on Yoda while listening to Belantara's "Pelangi & Nafiri" which is one of the best songs ever created. The lyrics:

Lihat alam sekitar
Yang mencabar mata
Akalmu yang sempurna
Ciptaan Yang Esa
Pancaindera yang dikurnia
Kenalilah warna
Pelangi yang berspektra
Simbolkan nirwana

Awan merah bergantungan
Hanya menunggu masa panggilan Tuhan

Selamilah hatimu
Persoalkan penuh jitu
Pepatah perjanjianmu
Satu demi satu
Dosa noda kelabu
Hentikan dikau perlu
Agar kedua duniamu
Merdu bak perindu

Neraca timbangan amalmu
Titian penentu nasibmu

Mari tetapkan hatimu
Mari sujudkan jasadmu

Pada Yang Satu

Jasadmu meronta
Dengan dosamu
Janjimu menjunjung
Titah Yang Satu

Sent from torque's iPod Touch

All that is needed would just be the courage

All that is needed would just be the courage

Sent from torque's iPod Touch

Delayed Gratification?

1.
The last entry was done before I went to shoot for Alisya & Naufal's last performance for their kindergarten - Little Tots. I wanted to do a complete entry - from the moment I finished packing to the end of the event but I am just too occupied with many stuff on the Sunshine Floor. I am a bit worried - with al the travelling & conferences & courses, my deliverables been sloppy & behind schedules. The boss has mentioned this to me, allowing me time to grief and let it all out...all but in the end I need to get on top of the sickening emotion I have been in.
It is bad enough the idiots have damaged my reputation, I need to pick up the bits & pieces & continue the journey....so, that's what I have been struggling to do...thus why I don't quite have the time to continue the last entry. Well....as if there are many who really read this blog anyway lah! .....but don't get me wrong, I know some of you love to read what I write about my kids and what have I - out of the spirit of camaraderie and all....I really appreciate it! Thank you!

2.
I have done a new serie - documentary - with the CHAPs. We went to Ipoh and met our buddies there - Ipoh Geng you guys are great! - and spent the whole day documenting stuff. I am still editing the best shots I managed to compose and once it is ready with proper caption & narration I will put it on my Flickr & here, insyaAllah.
Alahaiiii sooo many things to do! The Shots I did during Jeroen's visit is still not edited too. The kindergarten events.....solo outings...Belantara's.....owh not even going to talk about the invouces I am yet to submit the clients....
One thing at at time lah...one thing at a time....insyaAllah.

3.
Since I have not been good on papers when it comes to performance, I have spent much time considering my next move - outside the building I am being employed. Maybe one day I will make that step and leave all this backstabbing & buttkissing areana for good. InsyaAllah. I just could not put any more hope....too much dissappointments and its always me to be blamed. Easy for some muthafuckas to say things on FaceBook and all - sekarang kau boleh la team-up & belagak sombong & kaya....nanti kat akhirat kau dgn kuncu2 kau akan merasa laa balasan....kacang lupakan kulit....

4.
It is good to know I have many humble good buddies around me....those I can trust for real, because they are not governed by tamak-haloba & gila pangkat....for those humble good buddies - I salute you!

5.
The shot I posted was done coupple of days ago.....thats how the landscape looked like. Cropped & adjusted levels....nothing more. Sent it so some buddies and almost immediately they responded - they like it very much.

6.
It's a gratification for me...to know others are happy with the shots I did for them or sent them...
....and maybe one day I will get a delayed gratification.....

"Working" on weekends

1.
No, I am not bragging about the NatGeo stuff I bought! I am just telling a story!

On Sunday morning I did the final check on the equipments needed for the shooting....

....top section: 2 speedlights - Sb900 & Sb600 both in the proper casing with all the support equipments in it. Battery charger in a MAS utility case and Extra CF Cards & micro fiber cloth in another small casing.

....lower section contains the most critical equipments: in this photo I have the D300 body on the left, MBD-10 battery grip, Tokina 12-24mm f4 lense attached to D300, the D70s body on the left, Sigma 70-300mm APO DG Macro, Nikkor 50mm f1.8, blower, NatGeo raincoat for the bag.

iPod Touch, wrist guard, keys, extra batteries for the speedlights and some other stuffs are in dedicated pockets...and we are ready to rumble!


...erkk to be continued later deh...too dehydrated & fatigue leh...tak larat nih....

NatGeo Stuff

National Geographic's The Earth Explorer Photo Bag Collection
The NG 5162 Medium Backpack

Ordered this before I went to Singapore....was waiting for me when I came back. The shop was so impressed with the quality, they ordered one more for their own display unit!

This bag will replace the Crumpler SinkingBarge which will be serving my bro in law MrJinx in the near future.

Why this bag?
Well, because this is my rezeki.....and it will be put to good use, like all of my equipments, insyaAllah!

Travel Marvel

1.
Singapore. The Merlion (background) with a miniature one in the foreground....Esplanade Theater and The Flyer in a distance. The landmarks of the island on the tip of Peninsular Malaysia, formerly known as Temasek!

It has been about 16 years since I last set foot on this island. A refreshing experience, definitely, after 16 years I finally had the oportunity to be there again....to attend a conference that lasted 2 days and another half day of workshop/ conversation with world class professionals in the fields of discussion - I will have another entry for the conference lah! - which translates to: I have only the evening for my walk & shoot activities!

Not a problem! I take it as it is - compose the best I can with very limited light source. Al of my shots were done without flash except the shot above - CLS technique with Sb900 as the slave.
The rest would be on high ISO setting & shutter speed as low as 1/15.

I should say Singapore is an interesting place to do street & lifestyle kind of documentary. Maybe when I decided to quit working and do my documentary stuff I should stay there for 1-2 weeks and just do it....after Maghribi & Peru perhaps!

2.
Fountain of Wealth was the first place I went, was hoping to capture the splashing water but my timing was never right! It's just a couple of meter away from the conference hall....
....and the hotel I stayed is just across the road-lah!

3.
One place that I have been hearing a lot about would be Mustafa Center...took a cab on my second night in Singapore and realized that I can find almost anything I can afford (definitely not much la compared to many other rich people kan!) and can't afford! Heck even the Teva I am wearing is available - displayed like like Carre-Four's Crocs imitation. I did not but anything (infact the cash I used up in Singapore were just for my meals and taxi fares!) because I don't intend to...am moving to the new condo soon so cash is kinda tight....since I am not awarded as PPA 2 Leadership Rating 2 performer and my future rating & chance to get better pay is not looking good thank you to the Zoo bastards again....tak apa lah it is ok I can make do with whatever I have and already started working on alternative ways to make it through....I don't need a frigging Bimmer nor a farking Honda to broadcast to all I am doing well like them lah! Arrogant Bastardly Losers........sampai kiamat aku ingat what they have done to me...(emo plak tiba2 nih...sial punyer unit, it's like a contagious sector in my life already, even worse then the blardy HPV-B I am dealing with)

Anyway...Mustafa Center was nice. I observed the people in the complex, on the streets...around the area...and I actually walked back to Marina Mandarin to get the "feel" of being on the streets Singapore....

4.
What's the big deal fo going to Singapore for a conference?
Not a big deal at all....many would smirk.... hell it's just Singapore - some people commute by plane everyday to KLIA-CHANGI-KLIA or vice versa!

BUT NOT ME! That's why I treasure the experience & I took time to observe & shoot the sites I went to....utilizing the gift of being able to see, from Allah...appreciate every single moment I am allowed to use my eyes...Alhamdulillah. Though the shots may not be a world class collection but it's what I saw during my stay and it will be seen by my kids & many long after I am gone. I can't afford a luxury car nor a posh condo for each of them but I would stirve to leave as many as possible the shots I can...things that I have viewed with my verry own eyes when I am alive.

On my way to KLIA, I somehow met the GE Asia President at the KL Central who still remembers me and we had a good conversation, he invited me to visit his new office not far from the previous one when I first established contact with him for the The Zoo. I respect him a lot. A humble & friendly leader.

Wonder how would it be if some arrogant bastard in The Zoo actually sits in the position like that....

Ahaa..talking about The Zoo, I had a fruitful conversation with Arthur Shelly the author of The Organizational Zoo. Such a coincident that we used the same method to explainand relate to the characters in the office. I told Arthur my piece of mind, what I have observed & written in this blog & my journal (no, not moleskine just a close imitation of a moleskine!) and the only thing is, Arthur, you made it big and I am still a lower rate worker in a big organization! He laughed and agreed!

Arthur is a great speaker and writer....too bad I did not manage to buy the book from him - only 30 units available and gone in a jiff....but I got a better deal than everybody else, Arthur is sending me a copy free of charge!! Ahahaah!! from the author of The Organizational Zoo, for the fat guy who has been battered by the creatures of The Zoo. Not bad at all....and I can just walk to any of the presenters & authors - ExWorldBank bigwig, CIA/DEA/DIA Advisors, SAF bigwig..many others....and get conneccted fast.....maybe I should reconsider to go back to marketing & trading divisions before I retire just for the fun of it....

5.
Maybe I will have another opportunity to meet the speakers & authors....it's really refreshing to know we are on the same frequency....kinda a reward and a bit of some healing from being treated like worthless scum by the leaders I used to serve for....

6.

...so long Singapore! See you again insyaAllah!

How wide is wide??

1.

Shot using the newly owned Tokina ATX-124 PRO DX, the legendary 12-24mm f4 lens that I have always wanted to have. Alhamdulillah!
Owh...the main subject is the old-faithful Persona 1.8 DOHC- SRi, quite recently revived too! Nobody's allowed to touch this wheels anymore, enough damage done by others!!

2.
How wide is wide?
It all depends on how you compose your shots I guess! As for me, 12-24mm (which equals to 18-36mm on The Beast @ my D300) is perfect for my style of shooting. I don't know..I just feel lucky & blessed to be able to grab this lens which is pretty much just like a new set with warranty and all at almost Rm1k less than the actual price...Alhamdulillah. Patience & preseverence really pays in the end! More interesting shots of my babies and photojourno/ documentary works after this, insyaAllah!
I wonder how I would have done my shots the other day should I have the 12-24mm already....but getting it ater I did the "Pekeliling flats - The end of a beginning" is another mark of personal milestone...the assignment was the first of such - composing stills and emotions without living being in the frame...such a challenge. As one of my mentors put it, it is not easy to compose an empty frame (stills with no human/ living being as the element) and capture the emotion to be felt by viewers....and I have manged to reach that level....Alhamdulillah.
No, Wallahi I am not bragging...just stating the obvious to fuel my own self - you are on your way Torque!

3.
I just cannot explain how happy & honored I am to have buddies like Shamshahrin,@ImageMaker, Namerumonka, RahmanRoslan, IanAhmad, Jidin, TedAdnan, Masri, Shahroll, Pencerita, Zayd, Bawal@Grom, Napie, KacuksMraz, Albar, Nadio, SAR, Alongz and all CHAPS core team members....thanx guys! You all have contributed a lot to my journey, still a long way to go but I am progressing, we all are, insyaAllah!
...and to have them use ~ [their name] /CHAPS, Malaysia in each of their works....is such an honor...thank you guys! You are the best buddies anybody could ever have!

ALMOST Images à la sauvette?!
Khairudin Mohd Thani @ Jidin of CHAPS clowning around while having a break during the recent outing.

~ Khairil Faizi Jamian/ CHAPS, Malaysia.

Note: Tokina 12-24mm f4

Note:
Tokina 12-24mm f4
Used a month Rm1500
Deal done Rm1350
Cmie 012.2xx.3xxx
Collect Monday17-Nov-2008

1.
It has been quite a while since I last used the lens mentioned above.
Well actually the only chance I had to use it was during the 1million citizen protest against the fuel price hike. Thanks to Kyrolsan! It is a superb lens! I decided I must have it......one day! The day would be next Monday InsyaAllah. Hope to create more great
shots with the lens.....InsyaAllah!

2.
On Friday 14 Nov 2008 I had a bad news....the Zoo decided to give me
yet another below average rating for the last few months I was there.
Really an insult but Alhamdulillah. Kalau tidak di dunia, di akhirat
kelak kita terima balasanNya.
Biarlah orang nak bongkak atau takabbur atau riak dgn jawatan mereka,
dah tergolong high society...selected leaders...ramai terlupa mereka
adalah khalifah Allah sebenarnya, setaraf dgn Bangla & Indon Muslim yg
mereka maki herdik & kaum sebangsa yg mereka pijak ludah ...maybe they
plan to have their title plate on their coffin.....tengoklah
nanti...Alhamdulillah...rasalah nanti doa mereka yg teraniaya....

3.
I have done a some outings and jobs since Ramadhan and some of it is yet to be edited and submitted. None is too urgent that I may need to spend sleepless nights to complete. The recent one would be for the Little Tots Grads of 2008....took leave for that purpose and just to spend the rest of the day with the kids.

Alisya & Naufal put on the robe for some posed shots since they are not going to graduate there but going to a Chinese medium kindy soon...and so is Aliya....

I spent the morning with Aliya doing some shopping at Tesco...later in the evening I had a date with Alisya kat Alamanda pulak! Great day.

Very productive indeed...my investment on better equipments really is working out well! Alhamdulillah!

....and I spent countless hours trying to complete some short documentary works to publish in CHAPs, usually as soon as I got back from any of the outings . I guess the passion and drive to move myself to the next level is the oxygen that keeps me energized and going. I find it a satisfying experience every time we go outing. There will always be shots that will be masterpiece - our own masterpiece at the very least, if not being envied or praised by advanced amateurs alike or some other well known professional photographers. At the rate and discipline we are going , we know we are going to make it big in the future....insyaAllah...

Sent from torque's iPod Touch