Mampukah?

The Merdeka advertisement carries some deep rooted messages - every year - and this year it is about something that many of us have been taking for granted. I stayed up this late (well actually I slept for about 2-3 hours before I woke up and do some work) and extracted this from one of the recent advert...as part of the speech content to one of the vicepres for an upcoming event. It just made me think, what I have gone through all these years are starting to make more sense. Coupled that up with the course by John Kotter which I attended just couple of days back (will write something about it soon insyaAllah), I am more confident that the journey I am in will not just be about this organization I am in. The organization is just part of the "stage", part of the overall composition (there you go - a photographer's approach to explain about real life!!).

....and for the first time in my life working in this organization, I realized that finally I can boldly say I am much capable and smarter than many of the people with positions & privileges tagged to their title.

Time. That's all the explanation that I can offer. Elaboration of that, well you have to read more books from the good Professor Kotter and really understand what the content is trying to say....or you can buy me a cuppa and we can have a good conversation on this topic....

Hmm where do I start? Part C

On that same weekend, the kids had their Merdeka Concert. It was marvellous....I got to be the Official Photogropher and I WILL put more images of the event soon!

Alisya got the prize for the Best English Studdent - I almost shed tears as I continue to shoot her taking her present!

Then the first of the Mgmt Foras starts - hectie week indeen until this night.....I really must contionue to push myself to write more....AND I WILL!!!

So many things to tell, so little time!

Hmm where do I start? Part B

The week after that - was a mixed emotion week.

I had to drive to Klang on that Sasturday morning to pay our last respect to Atuk Ramli.....

One less elderly in the family....

In the afternoon, the kids met their Nek cat & Nek Hon & Usu Anie who arrived in the afternoon to sstay for a week.....but unfortunately, they had to take the next available flight back to Kuching on Monday...our grandmother was not doing well, and passed away later.

Two less elderly in the family....

All in one weekend....

Hmmm where do I start? Part A

The past couple of weeks have been very hectic...let me see if I can recall everything correctly in the exact sequence....The last entry wa on 9th August..which means I had about 2 weeks lapse....9th. August is the Birthday or my kid bro - HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGAH!! On that weekend, we actually palnned to balik kampung but surprise surprise....Tok Mak & Tok Abah were already in Kajang - good thing we called them on that same evening before we make our move! Apprently, Baby Raiq was not well so they decided to pay a visit. On that same weekend too, I had a shoot with this one local forum of photographers - probably my last official help for this bunch (will talk about it later if I think it is worth mentioning) because there are too many "smart arses no brainers wannabe photogs" in that place and the culture of arse kissing and "syoh sendiri" is too much for me to handle. Anyway, the shoot went well (despite the nonises made by some arsses later in that forum) amd all that matter was they all learnt something (the better do, else, they must be really kididng themselves!) I though about posting some of the shots but I'd rather post only one (up there!) As far as that forum is concerned - I am not interesteed to contribute anything more to it directly, not when it is still infested with the idiotas & bastardos I mentioned above...they better go fly kite!

I just love being the Ayah to my kids!

Recent conversation with Alisya & Naufal:

Me: Kakak...what do you wanna be when you grow up?
Alisya: Hmmm...tulis-tulis (scribbled something on the air with her hands as if she's writing) Ayah...I wanna tell a story about a princess...
Me: Ohhh!! Kakak nak jadi writer yerr??
Aliysa: Yes! Yes! I wanna be a writer (and she started talking in her "slang" telling me about that princess story....)
Me: Ohhhh....pandai laa kakak niii...very good!! Naufal, tell me what do you wannabe when you grow up?
Naufal: I want....to chickendance! (the kids hv been practicing this for their playschool's open day - which is coming soon..and guess who's been hired as the official photographer??!!)
Me: HUH?!!!!! What?? Owhhh...eheheh!! Chicken dance!! Ahahaha.....ok ok....Naufal dah besar nanti nak kerja kat mana? (I was expecting KLCC as that has always been his standard answer everytime!)
Naufal: Hospital. Naufal nak kerja hospital (which came as a surprise to me!!)
Me: Ohhhh...you mean you wanna be a doctor?
Naufal: Yes! Yes! Doctor! (started to pretend as if he's inspecting me with his stetoscope)
Me: Good boy!! Very good boy!!!

Heheh! Cute! Doctor - std answer for most kids la kan but who knows, insyaAllah Naufal!
Writer?!! Hehehe! Uncle Kimster, you got a protege!
...we talked a bit after that and after some final rounds of "Oobie", they finallly dozed off hugged by me...and guwe pun terlelap baaek punyer, dgn belum mandi lagi!!

...woke up at 3am and cleaned up a bit, did some prayers and then started to do some stuff on the Mac.

The next morning after I have finished bathing Naufal, I was drying Alisya with her towel when she took me by surprise:

Alisya: Thank you ayah...ayah mandikan Alisya!
Me: Huh?! Hheheh! U r welcome baby (kissed her forehead)
Alisya: (giggles)...nanti Kakak jaga ayah yek...
Me: Aaah? Kakak nak jaga ayah bila kakak dah besar?
Alisya: Iye...kakak jaga ayah bila kakak dah besar (giggles)
Me: Eheheh...thank you Alisya! Good girl baby ayah ni! Sayang baby ayah (hugs)
Alisya: (gigles) U r welcome ayah!

As I always said....whatever mess I hv to deal with those filthy creatues at the zoo, in the end of the day, I will be the only champion!

I love my babies so much!

Hmmm....I wonder how would it be when Aliya can speak properly....mesti best!
For now, she still calls me Mama and occasionally Daddy!!

What a cold day in the office....

Shot this one yesterday part of the collection of
"Tales of the Shadows" series

1.
There natural lighting yesterday quite bad so I decided to go for artificial lighting. Frankly, I am not satisfied with the result above but that will just be there as a reminder for me to keep on improving. Can hardly wait for my Sigma 70-300mm APO DG MACRO to be out from the "hospital" after more than 2 months! The coming weekend should be interesting, gonna shoot some street scenes with the photojourno-duo...and maybe CheMat might be joining too...a massive privilege to shoot with them. Have to push harder to speed up the learnings.....

My buddy Rahman, taking a breather after we shot some
wildlife during a recent contest...we use the same DSLR,
and kitlense and the 70-300 lens (mine still being serviced!)

2.
I'd rather be out shooting but the lighting is not that "supportive"....so. here I am, in a very very cold office but hati ada sikit panas laa definitely (the posting below)....kau penat2 tekel anak org, spent God know how much from the beginning until today, made beautiful babies,
and somebody else is mistakenly associated to be the husband! Ahahahh!
Annoying mistake I should say but I will not tolerate such mistake - being a sensitive person who does not know how much longer I can survive the bloody disease, I will not tolerate it at all!
Yeah dammit I do realize I am toofat & ugly to be the fathers of my beautiful baby and husband to a beautiful lady but....dammit, I was once very very very good looking too! Ahahahah!

That's me, the owner of this blog, husband to the owner of
COFFEETORQUE
- shot by Ian Ahmad

3.
I really hate it when people push me around and make smart remarks as if I am a bloody stupid creature who knows not what I am capable of doing. They are just lucky I have decided to absorb everything and fart if off at the end of the day....else they'd be riding an ambulance to the closest ICU. I am just glad I bring packed lunch (thanx to my lovely wifey) so I don't have to listen to any fancy talks and corporate-ish-shitly-discussions through lunch time...
....ohh and I just don't have the moolah to plonk at posh eateries every lunchtime.....I can only afford mamak & gerai tepi jalan....heck I have not even bought any new pair of pants for 3 years already! Ahahah!
Enough with the politics & other farking antics, I just want to complete my job and go home to my kids. You idiots can go on nagging & cutting each others farking throats and bucket all the rewards you ever wished for and shove it up your blardy farking arsses.
I am not going to be bothered with what you bunch of ambitious farkers have achieved in this farking zoo....useless pigshits.....Ahh!! Go fark it la I don't want to spoil my concentration on my personal journey. Small thing. Annoying but small....BUT STILL FARKING ANNOYING!

4.
3 more hours and I am out of this farking cold zoo.

Am going to shoot or kill somebody.....

LOOK HERE: I am a fat shooter not a farking writer
and the other two are international class photojourno shooters
who happen to like shooting out with me!
-shot by another shooter - Shahroll

I am really pissed by the fact that there are some people who have been mistakenly assuming some person as the hubby to my wife.
Say what you farking want but I really find it farking annoying.
Pure plain ignorance?? Here, lemme give a free lesson....
If you don't know, ASK... When you ASK, DO IT PROPERLY. A QUESTION ENDS WITH A QUESTION MARK - ? <- that is how a farking question mark should look like. . <- that is a farking full-stop. A STATEMENT, A SENTENCE ends with a farking full-stop, not a farking question mark. If I am around those bastardos when they make those statement and assumptions, I'd probably bash them good with my bare hands! ...and NO I AM NOT A WRITER. My wife is not married to a farking writer - last time I checked I am still the father of my kids. I am a wannabe photographer who happen to keep a farking blogsite. DO I HAVE TO BE A WRITER TO KEEP A FARKING BLOGSITE? Do not bother explaining if you think you are at fault. Just shut the fark up and read whatever I want to write here or farkoff to any other blog that belongs to a muthafarking writer!

Sometimes a fatherly & friendly fat guy can get really nasty...
Yeah...I am really pissed....

Life @ The Park

1.
I received a SMS from Shamshahrin late Saturday evening inviting me to join his team (which includes himself, Rahman Roslan and a Brazilian photog- Eduwardo) for a contest in Putrajaya - a one day shoot out.

Was a bit reluctant to join in the first place - prefer to spend time with my babies on Sundays.....but after thinking about it, I finally replied and agreed to join them.....after all it is a huge privilege to shoot with a group of really established professionals and this being the first time to join a photography contest, what better way could it be than being with this group?

Anyway, it went all day long. Started off once the organized announced the theme of the contest. We planned our shots, do quick note & sketch then we go shoot!
At the end of the day, NONE of us won anything (AHAHAHAAH!!!) which is fair because not even one of the more established & more experienced photographers who has won titles abroad was mentioned in the final list.

Am not surprised at all...since the winner of the contest shot something that is not really the acceptable to any professional photographer....and the sad side was - the rule mentioned NO EDITING is to be done....but hoards of them did something to their shots their laptops....it was almost like you are in a Photo Editing Contest, every corner you'll see a photog wannabe busy editing their stuff!

No laa I am not complaining because my shot was not selected! Ahahah!

Frankly, I never like contest/ competition after al but what amazed me was how people are going to the extreme just to get a prize....up to he extent of actually cheating and being dishonest....hmm?

Whatever it is...the outing was fun and fruitful - we learn new stuff...and I was quite surprised when Che Mat mentioned that he likes my thread on "Tales of The Shadow"....."mocking" me as "...our very own Trent Parke"...ahahah I take that as a compliment & recognition...especially when it came from a person who's lecturing and a master in photography!

2.
Since Tok Mak & Abah are in town, we had to cancel our trip back to kampung. Unfortunately, the weekends after this have been booked with my photography activities, so it will be a challenge to find a weekend for balik kampung unless I we take leave either on Monday of Friday...I want to spend more time in kampung if possible. The blardy city and the creatures in this farking zoo is really taking it's toll on me.
Farking annoying.
Came into office this morning and I can almost immediately feel my heart shrinking...but it will be much bigger and happier once I am back home later today - as always!
I will not care much about what's going on the floor except for the part I am supposed to do & being held responsible.
As for the rest of the time in this zoo, it would be for my personal development & future business. Am not going to be a stupid idiot to work hard for the benefit of the farking heartless animals in this zoo.
If people want to progress and impress the bloody leaders, that's theirs to decide. I have much better things to take care of than trying to impress stupid leaders & stepping on each other's farking feet along the way. Farking idiots.

I just want to obey my God and live the rest of my life happier than any average being on this floor!

In search of ideas

~>START@20070725: In search of ideas

One of the latest shots from my "Tales of the Shadows" serie

1a.

For the past couple of days, Alisya, Naufal & Aliya seems to be more "manja" than usual, with me. I do not know why but I believe this may due to my "renewed commitment to life" - totally placing my family above everything else....

1b.

....for example, yesterday I actually walked out in the middle of a presentation...well the preso has actualy already supposed to end but the monkeyberuks & pigbabis of the zoo who are always crazy for airtime - they just have to say someting to make them look "incredibly intelligent" - were busy hogging airtime. So, I just stood up and went straight for the door. What I am saying is just I will not talk much to those monkeyberuks & pigbabis but I'll just do what is necessary to deliver what is expected of me and maybe something more just for the sake of personal development.

2.

~2070729 7:55am Pelita Jln Ampang

The thing about trying your best to be the best, is sometimes you'll find yourself looking for the "What's next?" for quite a while. I have been in this situation for X (big X!!) amount of time throughout my life and recently I founnd myself at the same junction again. When I managed to do some shots similar to some international level photographers (from my point of view & some other Professional point of views at least), I found me asking myself the "What's next?" question again. The beauty of it - since this time it is about photography - the "What's next?" can be addressed quite fast & convincing, especially with the help of the professionals and the advanced level shooters alike.

I am not saying I am totally very sure of my journey, no.....but definitely I am not totally clueless of my destination.

My photos may not hv been ranked in any of the sites I use to host them up, nor has any of it being highly commented & applauded by "pro-photogs wannabe" but it has been getting some attention and thumbs-up from some real pro-photogs lately....and for me that is a convincing sign already. So, the best I can do is to move forward and continue to do the best I possibly can. InsyaAllah.

3.

Here I am sitting alone in this restaurant waiting for my roti sardin kuah dal banjir. It is a rainy Sunday morning (aaarghhh! I need the golden lights please!) but I was fully awake at 5:30am and just eager to get into action....hoping to be able to re-create some of my sketches into my DSLR.

There's a bunch of people (big bunch) who's supposed to be here at 8am due to an outing they planned....and I think I just saw them. Hehehe!

No, I don't actually plan to shoot with them but I am here to help them to get some clearence to shoot. Hopefully they will gain something valuable from the outing they planned. InsyaAllah.

4.

The outing went ok. Not really my interest to shoot models or pose in the park but nothing wrong wtih joining the crowd. Since the sun was not there, so the next best thing was just to join the crowd and shoot the models!

They were cool, eager to learn and try stuff and some came really equipped with cool equipments!

I shot mainly on my prosumer class.

One of the very few shots....

5.

Rushing to deliver some cupcakes, I finally made it to KL Sentral later in the afternoon to swoop some shadows shots. Here...some of the shots I managed to compose...

Tales of the Shadows

6.

I wrote this while sitting in a discussion with the zooleader on MF'07/'08 design....believe it or not after 1hour and 10 minutes....and after occasional snores & table-tapping, we are still going in circles. Am not surprised...since the paper was designed more to fit in buddy-buddy interests...not about the organization at all...so, after having enough of the bullshit I finally decided I have to drop the bomb "politely", stating that there is no clear link from whatever the team has put on paper and have been discussing for the past hour.....blardy hell...what a waste of time.

The zooleader agreed - to my surprise. He quickly say he's about to surface the same concern - well, I am not surprised, all the glory is for that farking idiot to claim anyway.

7.

I am going out of this meeting room for a while...my brain is too precious to be messed-up by incomplete work of these monkeyberuks....they have all the bananas for the rewards year in year out and yet they are just so stupid to do a decent job...we are really feeding the monkeyberuks too much already.

8.

Almost weekend. Great! We are going balik kampung this weekend....long time since we last did that. Really looking forward to this weekend...

END@20070308<~