Monday, October 12, 2009


The weekend went as planned - time spent with the kids, and let them spend a night with Tok Mak & Tok Abah who came to Kajang, some open-houses invitations, resting at our rumah pangsa...nothing that fancy but a weekend well spent, nevertheless.

The week was fast & quite hectic. Swoosh~!
Especially being in the state I am in right now where everything about how I feel, think & what I am dealing with, is just worthy for myself....and nobody else. NOBODY AT ALL. Nobody seems genuinely cares nor sympathize...but just playing along...just playing along.
Well maybe I do not need nobody at all, from now until I am there, 6 feet under....I have put up enough hope so, now it is just me to deal with it alone.
It was made clear again - by a buddy recently - never tell others about what you are suffering - your health condition or what - it will only be used against you when the opportunity comes. I have been through it. So, I believe it.What else can I do other than just swallow it, move on and deal with it all alone until the end.

This is really difficult...I want to write and I have a lot to write, here & in my new assignments/ plan with CHAPTERSimages, CHAPs, write about the kids, some of the tools I have acquired and been trying to master...many others..
...but I'd end up with something less than what I have expected, or simply nothing at all. Why is it so difficult for me to put things in words nowadays?
I feel like tearing down the walls....seriously...

Harghh...fuck it lah..I am gonna watch NatGeo till I fell asleep....dammit.

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