Tuesday, October 10, 2006


fear |fi(ə)r| |ˌfɪ(ə)r| |fɪə|
an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat : drivers are threatening to quit their jobs in fear after a cabby's murder | fear of increasing unemployment | he is prey to irrational fears.
• archaic a mixed feeling of dread and reverence : the love and fear of God.
• ( fear for) a feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety and well-being of someone : police launched a search for the family amid fears for their safety.
• the likelihood of something unwelcome happening : she could observe the other guests without too much fear of attracting attention.
verb [ trans. ]
be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening : he said he didn't care about life so why should he fear death? | [with clause ] farmers fear that they will lose business.
• [ intrans. ] ( fear for) feel anxiety or apprehension on behalf of : I fear for the city with this madman let loose in it.
• [with infinitive ] avoid or put off doing something because one is afraid : they aim to make war so horrific that potential aggressors will fear to resort to it.
• used to express regret or apology : I'll buy her book, though not, I fear, the hardback version.
• archaic regard (God) with reverence and awe.

....again, from my Mac's Oxford American Dictionary.

Fear is good. Provided you know how to use it properly. Of course the advantage goes to the person that can manipulate the emotion of the other, one who is in fear but it can be the other way around. When you are in fear and you have enough "ilmu" in you to deal with it, you can use it as an energy and go against those that made you have the fear in the first place. Not an easy thing to do. Not even half as easy to learn and understand it.....no, this is not from Star Wars, this is for real.
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.....

Couple of weeks back when haze was not there....the twins used to be pushed in that twins trike
Aliya is now riding alone...how time flies

My twins have been dealing with their fear rather convincingly. Part of dealing with fear is to face it and deal with it. Confidence is part of the ingredients. Cycling is their latest craze, with the new rigs I promised them, on any clear day before the haze started conquering our BolehLand, I'd put Baby Aliya in her Quinny and get the twins to follow me on their new rigs. The twins will bash it up, trying their best to follow me & not falling down. IF they fall, they have been warned and trained - you fall, you get up and ride it again, crying is an option but will not be entertained (unless really necessary). Cruel? No, it is part of building their personality - they will be full with confidence and would be able to handle fear far better than me insya-Allah. They are doing just fine. They may not be getting a PSP, PS2 or X-Box (some rich folks give these to their 3 yrs. old kids - I don't have any of those for myself!) but they will get the best of things that I can afford and my doa for as long as I live....and my love too, unconditional.
Sometimes we fear too much about not being able to give our kids what others are giving theirs.....why follow others who have no clear idea on what's they are doing to their kids? Most of the time it's not about the kids but about the parents being "in" or "modern urban lifestyle" or whatchamacallit......so what if their kids have PSP and go to school with a monthly fee that will cost the same for you to get through a semester in a local college?!

My only fear for now, is whether I would be here and able to play galah panjang with my kids soon.

The haze has been REALLY BAD and I can't help but wonder why is there no warning or whatsoever from the authority. The only thing I an tired of hearing is the intention to talk to the stupididiots next door on open burning and stuffs. It is really bad, personally I think this is the worst compared to the previous ones we had , ever. Can't even see the KL Tower from the higher floor of the zoo. It was totally white view today, the rain did not help too much but it sure created some havoc in the evening. To the authorities, talk are cheap, we do not pay you to talk and believe me, you are bad at it even if you try hard......some action please? It won't hurt to actually earn the money you get to be our leaders for once....or do you prefer to wait until some life are wasted before really taking this issue seriously?
As a precaution, my kids are not allowed to go outside the hut until further notice......out of my fear of them getting unhealthy due to the haze.....I don't think it is a good idea at all to let them loose in this kind of weather.

We went back to the kampung for the weekend, the whole clan decided to run away from the haze.....unfortunately, the haze decided to be everywhere.....the kampung was also affected, not as bad but bad enough to make me feel pissed! In the end, do we have to pay to get a view of clear blue sky 366 day a year while those stupididiots next door is enjoying it for free?
In a way I guess it's a blessing I am not quite capable to own my first muscle bike.....I don't want to breathe haze while enjoying the ride!
.....maybe we should start considering oxygen mask ask part of our daily attire?

The kids enjoyed the short break with the cousins and Tok Mak & Abah. As I mentioned, the haze was there but not as bad as in is in Sateville & JayBee.....but for the first time in my life I experienced haze in my own kampung. The kids had a great time with their cousins playing & cycling around the compound. We decided to stay until ifthar on Sunday before we drove back to Sateville.
This raya we are going to start the celebration in my kampung until third day where we'll fly off to Kuching, with high hopes of not seeing a trace of haze...can't stand it anymore.

The zoo has never been so cold. At times very quiet, most of the times. When it is time to clock out, almost immediately everybody is gone. I guess the spirit is low, the morale is dirt low too. I can speak for myself but I don;t mind saying it may be the same with the majority. For me the only reason I am here is to earn my dough apart from proving a point I can come much much much earlier than any early worm in this zoo but I WILL leave when it is time to leave ON THE DOT regardless if there's an important meeting going on and I am actually in it. Period! They were the ones who started nitpicking on petty matters, they will have to learn it that it is not them who own this zoo anyway and if they are really capable do their part and I will do mine as expected nothing more nothing less....if they want to dressed to the nines, look intelligent (trying REALLY TO BE!) with none but one mission in their sorry life - score point and kiss asses of those monkeys above them - they can do it but for this month by 4pm sharp, I am out of the building!
Some people are just plain stupid and in total fear of others - especially junior people - to outshine their credibility, totally ignorant of his/ her stupidity, they just try their best to hide it.....and make life messy for the others around.....

....I'd rather be at home with my kids and family....

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