Monday, July 17, 2006

The Circuit de Nevers Magny Cours weekend

From Paintball is a sport whose participants use compressed air guns (called markers) to shoot paintballs (roughly marble-sized, .68 caliber, gelatin capsules filled with colored polyethylene glycol "paint") at other players. The game has drawn a wide array of players worldwide and is found in most major countries in the world, and is one of the safest team sports. The game can be played indoors or outdoors in a varying range of styles. There are a few specific rules for playing paintball, with most designed to ensure that participants can enjoy the sport in a safe environment. The sport employs many different types of equipment and has developed its own slang to describe special moves and situations.
From Apple dictionary:
paintball |ˈpāntˌbôl| |ˌpeɪntˈbɔl| |ˌpeɪntbɔːl|
a game in which participants simulate military combat using air guns to shoot capsules of paint at each other.
• a capsule of paint used in this game

From Treasure hunt is a game in which a single player or a group of players try to find hidden articles, locations or places by using a series of clues. A common and traditional application of the treasure hunt was the Easter egg hunt that was performed on Easter Sunday mornings. Children would find an Easter egg or other Easter gift by reading a clue that was given to them then going to the location of that clue. Sometimes this game is performed as part of children's parties with the final article being something other than the Easter egg.
From Apple dictionary:
a search for treasure.
• a game in which players search for hidden objects by following a trail of clues.

I have done a series of jungle trekking treasure hunt when I was younger but never paintball. It is something that I would love to try but still am not able to. Due to my physical & health condition but it would not stop me from trying it one day, insya-Allah when I am in a better condition, like I used to be.

Yeah I must admit, though on the display I may look like I really don't mind being fat and ugly and unfit, deep inside me it is different, I wish I could do those things like paintball, and things that I used to do couple of years back.
I wish I could ride my bicycle 20 kilometers straight on, or do vertical or horizontal off road rides for a couple of hours alone, then jump into a stream and refreshed cycle back home just in time for mid-day prayer, like I used to.
I wish I could still do the full reverse swing kick accurately hitting a target 2 inches above my own heights, like I used to.
I wish I could run 5 kilometers non stop and come back feeling nothing but sweating like hell, like I used to.
I wish I can scale up a mountain alone or with a couple of buddies, spend a night on the top can scale down the next thing after dawn, like I used to.
I wish I could pick up my tennis racquet and play with the tennis gang for a couple of hours after office, like I used to.
I wish I could play in a 10-a-side or 15-a-side team of rugby for tourneys, like I used to.
I wish I could still call by squash racquet sparring partner Kufad and do 2 hours of bashing the walls after works, like I used to.
I wish I could sit my tahiyatul akhir properly, like I used to.
I wish I do not have to sit and pray but instead stand and do all my prayers normally like I used to.
But I can't. I have my uninvited, unwanted - or call it self inflicted if you wish -limitations built throughout the years of my life.
...and it hurts me why some people decided not to be a bit sensitive and not try to understand my situation.

I just can't do some of those things like I used to. I just can't.
It hurts me, being a failure, a fat idiot, a slob. But I have to live with it and make excuse around everything when needs be, so that I would not be getting false perceptions nor sympathy from anybody.
But I just can't do it all the time without losing my patience, I cannot.

I have had 2 facial injuries - steels are implanted in my face - and that final order received from the specialists was I was never to be involved in any contact sports ever, if I suffer any more hits on the head, it will be a big baddie.
I have a bad ankle due to falls and stuffs during my younger active days, it can hardly support my weight now as I walk. I had to take the stairs with properly coordinated steps slowly, unlike those days when I can just sprint and skip 2-3 steps as part of a warm-up session.
I have had a bad wrist due the the fall I took when I was playing soccer in my primary schooldays, ended me being bandaged for about 2 weeks and it still does not look as it used to be before the fall.
I have a fat body and I am not fit as I used to be.
....and recently I am diagnosed as HPV-B positive and I am advised not to be very active and just take the daily dose to help the system fight the shit and take it a day at a time.
I am sorry, I just can't join some activities be it organized or ad-hoc because I have those limitations. But deep inside me, I am actually screaming like crazy, hating this body to the maximum, hating the limitation to the maximum, hating the disease to the maximum, and how I wish I can run away from all these be able to do those stuffs I mentioned. But the best I could do is stand by the side with my camera and try to be useful and take pix of them doing the fun stuffs.

But I am willing to sacrifice all of those, for what matters most is I have the time to spend with my kids, my family, especially during weekends.
Anything that would jeopardize this is really going to make me feel mad beyond hell and it happened this weekend.

It was supposed to be company hosted Family Day but it turned out to be more like Let's-have-fun-playing-all-day-long-with-the-clowns-you-work-with-in-
their-arsses-at-the-frigging-pool Day. I wish I was fit to join but I knew my situation and made excuses that I just wanna snap photos of them......even for that I was too slow to catch up with these seemingly fit people and I don't find it amusingly fun thing to push my anjured ankle to catch up with them while pushing Aliya on her wheelers in a middle of the heat just to take photos of them, the privileged participants. So, I called the kids and spent the whole afternoon with Aliya at the pool side while the twins were taken care by the maid for a splash in the pool. Mama have got to be with her team - staff only - and have to not be with us and join the activities organized only for the office members. Treasure hunt & Paintball. The kids had a good time though they did asked where's Mama and when they were all tired and cranky, we packed the load of floaties we brought together and went up to the room, changed to dry clothing and fell asleep together. When I woke up at almost 5pm to take a bath, from my room I can still see those staff-only teams were still down there, having a good time among themselves and noisily running around....the treasurefarkinghunt and paintfarkingball lasted all daylight - and the half of the moonlighted part of the day was spent waiting for names to be called for freebies sponsored by vendors, it was not even half over when the kids were all tired, sleepy and cranky.......and they call this shit a Family Day?

I am really furious with the event. Very.

To top the excruciatingly frustrating weekend, Alonso lost the advantage when the farking balachi of Ferrari with a short tongue name Massa blocked him off his legitimate race line to allow that overrated Schumi for a win. The balachi did not manage to get the second place though....and if you are a true F1 follower, you will notice that those TV8 hosts are really annoying....why do we have those idiots on air every raceday?!

Though it was a bad weekend for me, I am just happy the kids enjoyed playing in the pool & with the sands. While the others enjoy sweating, laughing and running around with their colleagues and team, for me seeing my kids laughing and splashing in the pool is more rewarding than anything else in the world.
Maybe when they are bigger I'll play paintball with them - family only event - staffs and office dickheads are not wanted and can go foad.
Maybe one day, maybe sooner, maybe later, maybe I would be able to run with the wind again.....but for now the thing to do is to continue with the daily dose and hope to be breathing when that day finally arrives.

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