Monday, July 31, 2006


An artistic composition named boredom

The weekend almost turned into a disaster - Alisya had high fever on Friday and after a couple of visits to the clinic, it went away but not the phlegm. She had difficulty breathing at night and we went for nebulizer at least 3 times and it was enough to bring her up & running for the sports day on Sunday.

Let's win it!

It was their first sports day ever, they were just too cute! Alisya was not in a particularly good mood all the way but Naufal was. His team won the event they participated, Alisya's team got 3rd. As for the parents game, we won the first place by far (hehehe!) The family is built as winners...Alhamdulillah.

Aliya joining the fun

Then the week starts all over again....left over from last Friday was a presentation cum meeting for all the zooleaders of the BigPictureZoo. To cut short, I do believe when people say I am a miracle worker, tagging with CL, it is definite truth. In 30 minutes we have to re-arrange the whole pack and numbers to fit what the zooleader wants.

The preso went well....I mean what do you expect to achieve if you are presenting against a bunch of people who just love to be in the cloud nine & painting flowery pictures and trying hard to be ignorant of the fact of life to the people who actually do the real work.

It is not my zoo anyway.

Alisya's coughing lead to complications, she had difficulties breathing and on the morning when I was about to drive to this one hotel to facilitate a 3 days session, I pulled my t-shirt and drove her to the pediatrician in the nearest specialist that she has been visiting since birth.

Alisya had to be admitted. I was there with her all the while because Mama had to complete some stuff in the office and furthermore the big boss from France was there for the first time.

I enjoyed the time spent with Alisya, although I am not sure whether she felt the same! At times I had to be very strict to her, this lady I tell you, she just had to do something all the time although she was struggling to breathe.

Well....I learnt over the couple of years of being a daddy, sometimes you just have to let them hate you to make things better for them.

I am just too sensitive when I see open burning ever since I have kids. Kalau kat kampung tu I don't actually mind but in the city, I feel like kicking the person's head ajer.....

Oh and for the record....I hate smokers who can continue smoking even when they can actually see there are children or babies around them. It is ok if you do not value your lungs & life that much but please have respect for the younger ones to keep their lungs healthy. Even my father in law would never smoke in the house when any of his grandchildren is around. I really respect him for that (and many other things of course).

The weekend after the sports was their Usu's graduation day....if only the organizing committee could just be more humanely sensitive on handling the time and family of the graduates...the whole session was really an overkill for the kids especially. The element of "syok sendiri" was so evidence...and the selection of music is totally not acceptable! Poor brains they have - the organizing committee. I would not be happy if it was my graduation event! Pity the graduates and their family (ours included!)....Baby Aliya is having running nose now, Naufal looks tired and Alisya, still the same!

The coming weekends will only be about the five of us! NO MORE GOING TO ANY EVENTS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE FROM ME - THE BOSS!

So in conclusion, the past 2 weekends was tiring, my temperature was on the rise most of the time (and also my temper). I need to vent the negative energy out somehow.....

Monday, July 24, 2006

As I See It

I don't think I have mentioned in this blog about my reading habit. Perhaps it is about time I do so. Reason being, so that I would be reminded that I have declared about it in public and at the very least I should make it happen!

Reading is not a habit I have but I am trying to make it a natural thing....for years! Well, so far so good, I have read much more in the past 24 months being in the BigPictureZoo compared to the past 10 years I have been in the OverallZoo. I guess it is something that most of the creatures in the zoo would like to do but always find the excuse of could not find spare time to do it. I was among those who think I do not have time to read. But somehow, I managed to break free from that mentality and started reading small books, mainly suggested or given by His Kimsterness and some others who knows my personality well and thought these books would help me to be somebody useful to the nation one day (sounds so skima....hark hark hark!) yeah I do buy some of the books that I read but the bulk of it actually came from Kimster and some bosses and friends and my lovely wifey.

I find it is easier for me to (start) read, and (finally - if ever possible!) complete reading books that come in certain sizes. The smaller to medium sized ones, not too thick (like those novels by Stephen King back in those early years!) and most importantly the topic and presentation is to my liking. What I try to do upon completion, it to try recall and write on post-it notes and paste it on somebody's workstation (usual prey would be His Kimsterness, Sly and some others in the zoo) some paragraphs in the book that would be the most significant lesson I can derived from it so that at the very least I would be able to remember what I have learnt from the book.

It is unlikely for me to read the latest, newest, most best selling book available on the shelves. In total honesty, the main reason is because I am not interested to be "among the earliest" to get or read it. I would read books that are being suggested (or given!) to me. So far the is a queue waiting up....just to name a few in no particular order:

a) The Greatest Salesman in the World - Og Mandino
b) Long Way Around - Ewan McGregor & Charlie Boorman
c) How to enjoy your work - Dale Carnegie
d) Ilusions - Richard Bach
e) Bagaiman Untuk Menjadi Ibu Bapa yang Cemerlang - ??Lupa la pulak siapa!
f) the list goes on.....

So, as you can see, I have more than I could chew for now, that is why I do not actually fancy buying any new ones of the shelves, at least for now.

Allow me to share something that I learnt from a book I read recently: As I See It by Konosuke Matsushita.
It is actually a compilation of articles written by Matsushita in PHP Intersect -a journal of the PHP Institute which he founded.

One of the articles in this compilation was about problem solving. None of us can escape problems - for as long as we are alive and we are humans, we will have problems. Konosuke Matsushita breaks down the lessons in the art of problem solving into 4 parts.

Lesson 1 would be to face the problem squarely. Do something about it before it gets out of hand and do not even try to evade the issue.

Lesson 2 is to remember that all problems are relative. A major source of mental anguish for a person may mean nothing to another. The greater the person is, the bigger his problems are. Suffering does help you grow.

Lesson 3 is to think of problems as medicine or fertilizer for your growth. A crisis is a golden opportunity to test your true ability and toughness. Try to look at unsolved problems from an entirely new/ different perspective. Do not let perceptions guide your thinking. Questions your assumptions one by one and you will be able to free yourself from the tunnel vision you have been led into. Try to see the other side of the coin and you will begin to see a ray of hope. Imagine yourself standing in the other fellow's shoes and evaluate the problem from his perspective.

Flexible thinking is the theme of Lesson 4. An emperor, as a sovereign, must love all his subjects equally. When I (Matsushita) realized this, all my personal problems began to look trivial and thereafter I was able to handle them with confidence. Flexible thinking & taking a fresh perspective can facilitate problem solving. There are always choices open to you so choose the best course of action from the many alternative available.

I am just happy I managed to brake through the "could not find time to read" mentality, it is an achievement for me.

I guess, in life, we might say some things are easier said than done.....but if we do not move a muscle to just try it, we will never know.

Monday, July 17, 2006

The Circuit de Nevers Magny Cours weekend

From Paintball is a sport whose participants use compressed air guns (called markers) to shoot paintballs (roughly marble-sized, .68 caliber, gelatin capsules filled with colored polyethylene glycol "paint") at other players. The game has drawn a wide array of players worldwide and is found in most major countries in the world, and is one of the safest team sports. The game can be played indoors or outdoors in a varying range of styles. There are a few specific rules for playing paintball, with most designed to ensure that participants can enjoy the sport in a safe environment. The sport employs many different types of equipment and has developed its own slang to describe special moves and situations.
From Apple dictionary:
paintball |ˈpāntˌbôl| |ˌpeɪntˈbɔl| |ˌpeɪntbɔːl|
a game in which participants simulate military combat using air guns to shoot capsules of paint at each other.
• a capsule of paint used in this game

From Treasure hunt is a game in which a single player or a group of players try to find hidden articles, locations or places by using a series of clues. A common and traditional application of the treasure hunt was the Easter egg hunt that was performed on Easter Sunday mornings. Children would find an Easter egg or other Easter gift by reading a clue that was given to them then going to the location of that clue. Sometimes this game is performed as part of children's parties with the final article being something other than the Easter egg.
From Apple dictionary:
a search for treasure.
• a game in which players search for hidden objects by following a trail of clues.

I have done a series of jungle trekking treasure hunt when I was younger but never paintball. It is something that I would love to try but still am not able to. Due to my physical & health condition but it would not stop me from trying it one day, insya-Allah when I am in a better condition, like I used to be.

Yeah I must admit, though on the display I may look like I really don't mind being fat and ugly and unfit, deep inside me it is different, I wish I could do those things like paintball, and things that I used to do couple of years back.
I wish I could ride my bicycle 20 kilometers straight on, or do vertical or horizontal off road rides for a couple of hours alone, then jump into a stream and refreshed cycle back home just in time for mid-day prayer, like I used to.
I wish I could still do the full reverse swing kick accurately hitting a target 2 inches above my own heights, like I used to.
I wish I could run 5 kilometers non stop and come back feeling nothing but sweating like hell, like I used to.
I wish I can scale up a mountain alone or with a couple of buddies, spend a night on the top can scale down the next thing after dawn, like I used to.
I wish I could pick up my tennis racquet and play with the tennis gang for a couple of hours after office, like I used to.
I wish I could play in a 10-a-side or 15-a-side team of rugby for tourneys, like I used to.
I wish I could still call by squash racquet sparring partner Kufad and do 2 hours of bashing the walls after works, like I used to.
I wish I could sit my tahiyatul akhir properly, like I used to.
I wish I do not have to sit and pray but instead stand and do all my prayers normally like I used to.
But I can't. I have my uninvited, unwanted - or call it self inflicted if you wish -limitations built throughout the years of my life.
...and it hurts me why some people decided not to be a bit sensitive and not try to understand my situation.

I just can't do some of those things like I used to. I just can't.
It hurts me, being a failure, a fat idiot, a slob. But I have to live with it and make excuse around everything when needs be, so that I would not be getting false perceptions nor sympathy from anybody.
But I just can't do it all the time without losing my patience, I cannot.

I have had 2 facial injuries - steels are implanted in my face - and that final order received from the specialists was I was never to be involved in any contact sports ever, if I suffer any more hits on the head, it will be a big baddie.
I have a bad ankle due to falls and stuffs during my younger active days, it can hardly support my weight now as I walk. I had to take the stairs with properly coordinated steps slowly, unlike those days when I can just sprint and skip 2-3 steps as part of a warm-up session.
I have had a bad wrist due the the fall I took when I was playing soccer in my primary schooldays, ended me being bandaged for about 2 weeks and it still does not look as it used to be before the fall.
I have a fat body and I am not fit as I used to be.
....and recently I am diagnosed as HPV-B positive and I am advised not to be very active and just take the daily dose to help the system fight the shit and take it a day at a time.
I am sorry, I just can't join some activities be it organized or ad-hoc because I have those limitations. But deep inside me, I am actually screaming like crazy, hating this body to the maximum, hating the limitation to the maximum, hating the disease to the maximum, and how I wish I can run away from all these be able to do those stuffs I mentioned. But the best I could do is stand by the side with my camera and try to be useful and take pix of them doing the fun stuffs.

But I am willing to sacrifice all of those, for what matters most is I have the time to spend with my kids, my family, especially during weekends.
Anything that would jeopardize this is really going to make me feel mad beyond hell and it happened this weekend.

It was supposed to be company hosted Family Day but it turned out to be more like Let's-have-fun-playing-all-day-long-with-the-clowns-you-work-with-in-
their-arsses-at-the-frigging-pool Day. I wish I was fit to join but I knew my situation and made excuses that I just wanna snap photos of them......even for that I was too slow to catch up with these seemingly fit people and I don't find it amusingly fun thing to push my anjured ankle to catch up with them while pushing Aliya on her wheelers in a middle of the heat just to take photos of them, the privileged participants. So, I called the kids and spent the whole afternoon with Aliya at the pool side while the twins were taken care by the maid for a splash in the pool. Mama have got to be with her team - staff only - and have to not be with us and join the activities organized only for the office members. Treasure hunt & Paintball. The kids had a good time though they did asked where's Mama and when they were all tired and cranky, we packed the load of floaties we brought together and went up to the room, changed to dry clothing and fell asleep together. When I woke up at almost 5pm to take a bath, from my room I can still see those staff-only teams were still down there, having a good time among themselves and noisily running around....the treasurefarkinghunt and paintfarkingball lasted all daylight - and the half of the moonlighted part of the day was spent waiting for names to be called for freebies sponsored by vendors, it was not even half over when the kids were all tired, sleepy and cranky.......and they call this shit a Family Day?

I am really furious with the event. Very.

To top the excruciatingly frustrating weekend, Alonso lost the advantage when the farking balachi of Ferrari with a short tongue name Massa blocked him off his legitimate race line to allow that overrated Schumi for a win. The balachi did not manage to get the second place though....and if you are a true F1 follower, you will notice that those TV8 hosts are really annoying....why do we have those idiots on air every raceday?!

Though it was a bad weekend for me, I am just happy the kids enjoyed playing in the pool & with the sands. While the others enjoy sweating, laughing and running around with their colleagues and team, for me seeing my kids laughing and splashing in the pool is more rewarding than anything else in the world.
Maybe when they are bigger I'll play paintball with them - family only event - staffs and office dickheads are not wanted and can go foad.
Maybe one day, maybe sooner, maybe later, maybe I would be able to run with the wind again.....but for now the thing to do is to continue with the daily dose and hope to be breathing when that day finally arrives.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


There comes a time when out of the blue you realized
"Sheeshh! I AM getting old!"

It happenned to me this weekend, while I was online with my goodbuddy AbahNaj, waiting for the WC2006 final kick-off. I turned 34 on the 9th July - official final matchday of the WC2006.

Well, it's not really a concern, aging, it's part & parcel of life. Death too. So, I'll just take it as it comes and for now, being blessed with a beautiful family, I still think I am the luckiest guy on earth. Alhamdulillah!

Thanx Mama, Alisya, Aliya & Naufal for the gifts! It's really cool!

....and the kids are growing (wish I can freeze time and enjoy this moment longer). Alisya & Naufal can now cycle their bikes & trikes....and they are outgrowing the bikes & trikes really fast. Won't be long before I have to get them proper ones that will fit their sizes..and a proper head gear for them.
(Ehehhe! Won't be long for me to get that Specialized rig too perhaps....or maybe a GaryFisher...or a Schwinn...decision! Decision! Ah well..specification hunting still in progress anyway..)

The office bunch had a surprise for me too....birthday lunch @ Chilli's KLCC....with dishes that made us all very sleepy afterwards and a big piece of ice-cream cake with everybody singing the birthday anthem! It was the first of the kind for me....being budak kampung or what but hey come on, how many times would you be able to get Marsha (who coincidently was there) to sing along with the zany bunch for your birthday laa?! So, here's a special thanx to:
- Che Lie, Kimster, Sly, Rinzy, Kimi, Hisham, Sha'arin, Zul, Rox & Bahar (who cud not join due to "mengadap" session)

What I am currently looking forward to, everyday, is the "borak till we fall asleep" session with Alisya & Naufal....they somehow became very-very manja with me, started over the weekend. I have to be the one who has to bathe Alisya in the morning now and when we come back from work Naufal would be hugging me (Alisya will do the same to Mama first), while Aliya waits eagerly with her wide bright eyes for her time to be hugged & kissed soon after.

Oh..that little lady is already prepping to crawl....


....and looking at the rate she's growing, it's not going to be long before she'd be riding the bikes with her sis & bro!

Oi sayang! One thing at a time la....crawl first,
then walk, then baru catwalk!

I just want to remind myself, whatever happens during the day, I will always come back home as a true champion.....I love you all, Mama, Alisya, Naufal & Aliya!

Monday, July 03, 2006

The Indy Race Weekend.

It has been very tiring, the whole week. Traveling is just a part of it and does not contributes the most. The drive back from kampung was cool actually. The part that really tires me up is the things happening in the corporate zoo. Yeah I was the only one to look after the small unit I am in since both bosses are out. Well, it is not really that hard handling the unit alone (especially if you do not have the authority to decide!!!) but it became a challenge when the bosses are back! Things that can be done fast and easy became more complicated. Focus on priority issues gets blurred. Tiring.

One part of the tiredness would be the hoohaa on completing the performance contract of each creature in the zoo. It is supposed to be a simple thing, very straight forward, half an hour seating with the superior should get it done and add 15 minutes to key everything into the frigging system, we are set to do real work! That was what we (me & my direct superior) did last week. While the others were still deliberating about their year plan and get dwelled into deep discussions & debates, we just used the year plan that was decided by the higher level and dived straight into the contract preparation for each of us. No biggie at all. Yes? Well, NO! They really have to have a meet on this for the whole zoo, everybody will have to be there and participate in the discussion, challenge each other's contract to the minute detail.
For whaaaaaat?!!! The other week the creatures that occupy the higher part of the cage had a day or two to discuss their respective contract. Why the hell should it be challenged again, and by the same creatures? I am not really impressed by the way, with how some creature in this zoo tried to look smart and used quotes by almost dead ex-CEOs. Estupido! Imbecil!
10 minutes into the meet, I walked out and do stuffs for about 15 minutes, grabbed a book and went back, let the monkeys fight it out and impress each other. Some of them just have to say something, just for the sake of saying something. Get the bananas out of your butt and eat it among youselves! Dammit these monkeys! I have to use the room next for a bashing the incompetent consultant agenda till the moon is up!
Finally it was done....

Some people really have to impress others, regardless whether they know what they are doing or not. If id does not affect other - it is ok. Unfortunately, there bunch of creatures are those who'd stay at the higher part of the cage, therefore they will always trouble the rest below them.
How convenient, they can just drop an e-mail asking for some info or pack for them to meet the other creatures that sat on top of the cage. In the first place, I do not know why are they there in the first place. Could it be that part of their performance contract is make it difficult to the rest and look important while at it? Maybe I miss it when reading their contract the other day...

The OS I am at my workstation in the zoo with 3 different machines. One Mac OS X, one Psion on EPOC R5 and one Acer on Windows XP SP1 (don't ask me why it's still SP1!)....ohhh another one...a Symbian device, my P900....but that's just a phone, to the other mortals....
Switch the OS X machine on, in a minute I am ready to do stuffs.

Switch the EOPC R5 machine, I can set to do stuff immediately. Switch the bloody Windows machine, it got stuck, then BSOD (Stewpeed fark! BSOD!!), reboot it, managed to logon and it just stalled immediately after being logged into the LAN.
Not just the OS is unreliable, the bloody hardware is nothing worth paying a single sen to start off with!. I have said it so many time and I will say it again and again - ACER builds the bloodiest most unreliable ugly looking and cheapshit copycat design machines ever....and yet people (and stewpeed policymakers of corporate bodies) buy this useless crap.
If you are earning your income and value your money, NEVER EVER buy ACER products. That is my sincere input, after being stuck with this brand for 10 years due to stewpeed decision/, if you are about to get a PC or any It stuff. AVOID ACER at all cost, as long as you live!
....and if you really value every single sen you have earned, you might not want get thet OS made from pirated program and made an idiotageek a it the original version or the pirated RM5 version....cuz in the first place, the original base are pirated, and it have been cursed - by those who was robbed off their programs by that idiotageek!

Since I cannot do anything on the machine given by the zoo. I'll spend more time on the Psion or the Mac today! Great!!
.....oh....and the helpdesk team did not understand when I mentioned BSOD......wonder why.....wonder why!
I made a conscious decision more than 6 months ago to dump windows and get a Mac for personal may be one of the best decision I have ever made in life, never regret the move. Never ever.

Have you read any book recently?
Well I have. Infact I made a conscious effort to actually read at least one book at one point of time, and try to complete it. The latest one I have completed (Yay!) is Jonathan Livingston Seagull, a Story. Written by Richard Bach.
No, it is not one of those only recently released self improvement, business management hoo-haa kinda big seller thingy that many aspiring (read: wannabe) leaders would get (read: buy on company's expense), well you know what I am inferring to - those books written by some famous CEOs or Management Gurus where some people would try hard to quote in meetings, hoping they could impress others and look smart while doing it...
No, it does not belong to that category but it is a book none the less, and we can learn a thing or two from it.

I just want to share two extractions from the paragraphs in this book that I found most interesting and I would use to sum the whole book:
......"Sully, for shame!" Jonathan said in reproach, "and don't be foolish! What are we trying to practicse everyday? If our friendship depends on things like space and time, we've destroyed our own brotherhood! But overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now. And in the middle of Here and Now, don't you think that we might see each other once or twice?"
"Your whole body, from wingtip to wingtip," Jonathan would say, other times, "is nothing more than your thought itself, in a form you can see. Break the chains of your thought, and you break the chains of your body too...."

Next book I am about to read is also from Richard Bach - Illusions. Ironically the book was sent by the secretary of the GM of the zoo today with a note to me. He realized I was carrying the Jonathan story recently read earlier paragraph above) and we had a short discussion on the topic then he asked me whether I have read Illusions. I guess the Zoo's Boss realized that I am reading (regardless in meeting or anywhere!!!).